Out of Touch

Here's how frazzled I was this holiday season. The day before I went to New York, I poured my oatmeal packet into my teacup. Reminds me of the day I put my teabag in my cereal bowl...

By the way, I'm better now.

For Love or Mugs

I have these mugs I drink tea out of every day. I've had them for about 15 years. They're clear glass, and they're perfect. I know exactly where the water line is, and how much sugar and milk to put in.

Recently, I noticed lines in all of my mugs. It was puzzling. Were they milk lines? Was I not washing them carefully enough? Turns out I was washing them very carefully.

A couple of years ago, I bought myself a ring with three small diamonds on it. I wore it on my left hand, as a sort of "F You" to society, I wasn't going to wait for a man to buy me a diamond, etc. So what if people thought I was married?

Recently (see above), I switched the ring to my right hand, ready for people to know I was not married. It didn't really feel right, since I had bought it for my left hand, but it stayed. Until I made the connection that I used my right hand to swirl the sponge around and around my mugs, therby scratching them all (and a couple of glasses too).

The dilemma: Appear to be hitched, or ruin my dishes? Mugs are a dime a dozen. So what? Let people think I'm married. The ring is back on my left hand, where it belongs.

Macabre Mantle

How We Hung Our Stockings in 2007, to the cadence of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas:

The stockings were hung
In their place by their sashes
Held down on the mantle
With our dead family's ashes

Morbid? Perhaps.
The truth? Absolutely.

Trim a Tree

Back home from Christmas in NYC; a good time was had by all. And now, pictures!

John, his wife Kumi, and I went out and got a tree and all the trimmings. It was a cute little thing, about four feet tall, a little homely. Charlie Brown would have been proud. We decorated it with bought and found items, and then realized we didn't have anything to put on the top. I cleverly whipped up a star made out of plastic knives, rubber bands, and tin foil. It was rejected.


John proposed a few more options: an octopus shaped shell? Uh, no thanks. A Mexican couple copulating? I don't think so, John! A cute little red bow, suggested by me? Rejected again. Finally, Kumi went online to see how to make an origami star. She set to work, and had it done in about ten minutes. That was the winner. John spray painted it yellow, and we had our tree topper! Next up: how we hung the stockings...

Until I Can Post Pictures, Here's a Plug

I have to wait till I get home again to post pictures, so for now I just want to tell you about a miracle product. It's called Zicam--you've seen the commercials, right? If you take it at the first sign of a cold, you won't get the cold, or you will get a very mild one.

Last Thursday night I got a runny nose, and that was my sign. I popped a Zicam tab before bed, and then took one every few hours for the next four days. Guess what? No cold! On Saturday I was on the fence with the cold, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't go to the gym. By Sunday I was feeling better. You're supposed to keep taking it for two days even after you feel better.

It comes in all different forms. There are swabs you can put up your nose, I think there are throat swabs, but the form I find the easiest is the quick-melt tablets. They're not bad tasting, and they melt really quickly. Read the instructions on drinking citrus, etc. It's homeopathic!

The most important thing is that you take it at the first sign of a cold, like the runny nose or just first tickle of a sore throat, don't wait until you feel really crappy.

Of course, hand washing for 20 seconds is the #1 way to prevent colds, but if you feel one coming on, take Zicam. Good luck!

Sunday Morning

Note to Self:

Do not do the following ever again:

1. Do intense core training on Friday (see previous post)

2. Then more training on Saturday morning.

3. Then get on a train with very heavy bags.

4. Then curl up on a train seat for four hours.

5. Then lug heavy bags to an apartment.

6. Then sleep on an air mattress.

7. All while fighting a cold.

Do: Take a hot bath if you ever do this.

Friday at the Gym

On Friday, Steve told me we (or rather, I) were going to do something new. Goody. I love new things. Here's what I did, try it yourself!

Make like you're going to do a regular pushup.

Now go down on your forearms.

Back up on your hands.

Now make your left knee go forward and touch your arm, or try to, at least.

Same with the right knee.

Down on your forearms.

And start again.

Do this action ten times.

When you're done with that, take an eight pound dumbbell in each hand and do backward lunges, then raise the dumbbells and bring them back down again. Repeat five times.

Now go back to the first exercise, ten times.

Five more lunges.

Back to the first exercise. I wasn't able to do it ten times, only five.

Try this, readers, and then tell me how you feel the next morning.

Rockin' Out at Nursery School

Remember Rock Lobster, by the B-52's? One of the greatest dance songs out there. At a dance in junior high, it was so cool when all the kids lay down on the floor during that one part where they say, "Down, down..." and then we jumped up when the music was fast again.

Well, this year, I've gotten my kids into this song in a big way. They often request it: "Alex, I want the lobster song!" I taught them how to make lobster claw movements with their hands. Some enterprising kids do their own thing. Calder moves his arms, making like a shark, and Graeme goes down on all fours backwards, doing the crab.

My heart swells with pride when the "Down, down" part comes on, and a group of three, four, and five year olds all lay down on the floor at the same time and then jump up, just like I did in junior high.

After they rock out to Rock Lobster, they all make a circle on the floor and make fists so they can pound the carpet as the next song comes on, We Will Rock You by Queen. It's music appreciation at its finest.

More Snow

To readers in California, and other warmish places:

You don't have to shovel out your car, or worry about falling and slipping on the ice, or have slush splashed on you, and have to wear long johns from November to April, but...

A picture's worth a thousand words.

This is one of the reasons I love it here!

(Dear Sophie, Mike's sister,
Perhaps next time I'm in CA {because I do love to visit}, we can meet!)

The Path Taken

Here's the thing: it's been snowing almost every day. I love it! Winter has made a comeback. Only problem is, sometimes the temperature dips overnight, and you're left with a frozen path on which to walk during your commute.

And, God forbid there's a fire!

It's supposed to be 50 degrees on Sunday. That'll help.

Turkey Town

There are a lot of wild turkeys in my town, and I've taken pictures of many of them. I was at Starbucks the other day, and there was an article on the community board about wild turkeys. It was very informative. The best part, however, were the notes handwritten on the bottom of the article:

"Wild turkeys in Brookline have attacked several people lately, especially women and children.


If you are chased or attacked by a turkey, hit it hard with an umbrella, broom, or tennis racquet and call animal control (Mace or water does NOT work)."

I'll remember that, next time I'm walking around with my broom out in public.

Rudolph, the Red-Nosed SUV

Whew!

Here is me after working out. See my pink face? See the beads of sweat on my forehead? I love to work out. I always take a nap the day after I work out. I am very tired.

It's Taxing

See Shelby.
See Shelby sitting on deceased Dad's tax papers.
Shelby is blurry.
Shelby says, "I'm glad I'm not a person."

Don't Give In!

The other night I went to a diner for dinner. When I picked up the menu, all the words were blurry except for boneless fried chicken with mashed potatoes and a chocolate malted frappe (frappe is Boston for milkshake). When is the last time you, dear reader, had fried chicken??? That's almost like smoking! It's practically unheard of these days, at least where I hang out.

It had been so long, and it sounded so good. I got it, along with a side salad so I wouldn't actually have a heart attack right there in the restaurant.

Oh my god. Those poor chickens never had a chance. It looked like they had taken the breasts of at least three chickens, fried 'em up, and put them on my plate with about a dozen red bliss potatoes, and covered it all with gravy. My frappe was so sweet and thick I had to send it back, asking for more milk to be put in.

I ate about an eighth of my dinner, and it felt like there was a medicine ball in my stomach. Gross. I took the rest home, because I wasn't about to drop fifteen bucks and not get in some meals for the next two weeks.

Well, I got it home, and all I could do was take a picture of it before I apologized to the hungry people around the world and threw it away. I actually felt pretty good, because it meant that I am eating so healthily now, any greasy food makes me feel sick. Yay! I did eat almost all of my Mexican fried tortilla the next night, however...hey, nobody's perfect!

WHEEEE!

The major snowstorm they said was coming has come. Traffic has been at a standstill outside my window for hours. What will tomorrow bring? Snow day, snow day, snow day, please, please, please...

Sounds Like...

I have very sensitive ears. I believe that I can hear things that other people can't. I had a hearing test last year and actually asked the tester if I had bionical hearing. She gave me the, "Now that's a new one!" look, and told me my hearing was normal.

I am sensitive to certain sounds, both pleasant and unpleasant.

Sounds that are unpleasant to my ears:

* loud high pitched screeching from children (yes, I am a preschool teacher, I hear it all the time, it doesn't mean I like it)

* water dripping from a faucet

* Heidi Klum's voice

* the sound of metal against metal, as in scraping the inside of a can with a metal spoon. Eek!

Sounds that are pleasant to my ears:

* when children get the giggles and they can't stop

* walking on hard snow to make that crunch sound

* a babbling brook

* the voice of the woman who was at the register at the art store I went to today.

Let's talk about that woman. She had the most pleasant, soft voice, and she talked extra because I asked her about a product. The more helpful she was, the more I became aware of her voice and how I liked the sound of it. Then I started paying attention to how she looked. She was petite and had black hair and black makeup around her eyes for a dramatic effect. It made her eyes sort of catlike, and as I left the store, a thought occurred to me.

If this woman was ever an animal, she would be a kitten. More likely, she was a kitten in human form. I don't know who put the spell on her to become a person, but she seemed to take it in stride. In any event, she made my checkout a sort of dreamy experience.

I hear Shelby purring and breathing. I know without looking that she's in a deep sleep. That's another sound I find pleasant.

Sweet dreams!

Training Update

I did something during training the other day, and Steve said, "You gonna put that in your blog?" I realized I haven't done a training update in awhile, so this is it.

Let's see...I'm up to two regular push ups, followed by five modified ones. Next time I'm supposed to do three of one and four of the other, till I make it up to all regular. I've increased my weights on the kettle bells because the ones I started with were too easy. Thas' right!

My tendonitis has healed, but I strained a muscle in my thigh and my knees hurt all the time, probably due to getting used to the jump rope. I tell you, jumping rope is not as easy as it sounds. I have a problem with coming down too hard. I'm working on it.

I started doing a mix of jumping rope and jumping jacks. Remember those? I actually like doing them. And today I did squat thrusts. I had a flashback to junior high, when we used to do those fitness tests twice a year. That was the only time I ever did squat thrusts, and I haven't done 'em again till today. They are also harder than you think.

Still and all, I am a machine. I do whatever Steve tells me, even if I have to take a few extra moments to catch my breath, or groan when I stand up. I never complain, even when we do Get Up Sit Ups. Wanna know what those are? Lay down on a mat. Put one arm straight up, elbow locked. Put a 5 lb. dead weight ball in your hand. Now sit up, keeping your arm straight, and heels pointed to the wall. Now lay down, rolling your back on the mat as you do so, all the while keeping your arm straight. Do that 5 times on one side, and 5 times on the other side.

Mix that in with a series of other exercises, and you've got some idea what I do at the gym. I love it, even when one of my bra straps pops off its hinge, like it did today. Steve didn't notice, and I was able to fix it quickly in the locker room. In training we deal with the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Don't Squeeze Me, I Might...

Poor Shelby. I was having fun with my apple Photo Booth feature, and wanted to take a picture of my fluffy feline with the "light tunnel" effect. She did look right at the camera, as you can see from her left eye, but the expression on her face is saying, "Put me down! I just ate, and I think I'm gonna hurl!"

Which she did, immediately after the shot was taken. Next time I'll do it just after she wakes up or something. The tan rays coming out of her paw are kinda awesome, though, don't you think?

Back to the Travel Post

11/26/07

On the way back to Boston, I took a flight from Santa Barbara to LAX on one of those tiny planes that holds about 40 people. The one flight attendant announced that that would be the last flight of that particular plane, and then they were taking it out of commission. Great. Could they get one last flight out of the ol' clunker? I could have done without that piece of information. TMI! Turned out to be an unremarkable flight, thank goodness.

Two celebrity sightings at LAX. Saw Jack Black standing in line ahead of me at Burger King. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to always have people looking at you and pretend that they're not looking at you. How uncomfortable. I tried not to stare too much.

A little while later I saw John C. Reilly coming out of the Hudson News store. He brushed right past me.

Random airport photo:

For Whom the Bell Tolls

The other day I was walking to the post office, listening to my iPod at a lower volume than usual. I heard a soft tinkling sound above the music, and wondered if it was my cell phone. I looked up, and it turned out I was passing a wind chime.

I was disgusted with myself for going first to technology instead of nature. What has this world come to???

Cold Feet? Fuggetaboutit!

Last night I couldn't get to sleep, between my cold feet and the Stealth Bomber (more on that in a minute). I don't usually have cold feet when I go to sleep, so it was annoying. The rest of my body was fine. I was tired, and I didn't feel like going down to get socks. Finally, I thought of a solution. I took the pillowcase off the pillow next to me and stuck my feet in it. Voila! My feet warmed up in no time! Probably helped that my sheets are flannel right now. So, next time you have cold feet, just grab your pillowcase and toast those toes!

Once my feet were warm, I drifted off to sleep for a couple of hours, but I was awoken by a loud and rumbling sound. I knew what it was: The Stealth Bomber. I've seen the Stealth Bomber in person, and the noise is incredible. It roars for a few seconds, then it's gone. I was wondering why the Stealth was flying past at two in the morning, but I figured it was just going from one place to another.

Only problem was, it was flying past my house every five or ten minutes! At one point I thought, "Oh god, we're going down. Here comes World War III." It didn't really make sense that the Stealth Bomber would be making so much noise here, because of course we don't want to bomb ourselves, but something was definitely going on. Were we going to be evacuated? Was this a warning to save ourselves? The rumbling was loud, drifting closer, closer, getting louder, and then drifting off...

And at some point when I woke up yet again, it occurred to me that it was not the Stealth Bomber I was hearing, but a snowplow. Back and forth, back and forth, clearing the snow from the snowstorm we were having...

I looked out the window at one point to confirm my new suspicion, and I was right. I drifted off, wondering if we would have a snow day and no school...

Random Celebrity Thoughts

I just watched The Top 50 Grammy Performances on TV. Great show. When they showed Melissa Ethridge singing right after her chemo, with her bald head and primal scream, I cried, just like I did when I saw the performance the first time.

I don't care what anyone says, Michael Jackson is a fucking genius.

And I don't care what my friends say, Celine Dion has a beautiful voice.

And I really miss Whitney Houston.

I love when a singer is doing a solo and suddenly a choir appears and belts out the rest of the tune with the singer. I think I was a Baptist in a former life.

Prince and Beyonce's duet in 2004 made it to #7 on the list.

Know who made #1? Greenday's "American Idiot". Hmm, have to think about that one.

More randoms:

I hate Katie Holmes' new hairstyle, with the bangs. But it's sort of amazing how now she looks exactly like Suri.

I have been wondering for weeks now, what is Nicole Kidman's natural hair color? I cannot stand the color it is now.

Thoughts?

Back to the Travel Post

Written on the plane:

I am obsessively taking pictures of my window. I can't stop, because I haven't caught the scene I want.

I see a dinosaur and a galloping unicorn. In between them is a cloud with a heart in the middle of it. I got the dinosaur all right, but I can't get the heart, it keeps coming out blurry. I know I am driving my seatmate insane. I took pictures of my water cup. She thinks I am loony. But the way the sun is hitting the cup makes these rays on the tray and it looks pretty. I can't help my artistic mind. I see things.

Do you see what I see?

While U Wait

Money shot from my vacation. This little hummingbird was sitting on a branch near a bush. When have you ever seen a hummingbird sitting still?? Anyway, the background was distracting. I swear to god, that little creature realized it and moved to the single branch you see here, with the beautiful ocean in the background. She sat for at least five minutes, turning her head this way or that, showing her back feathers, basically workin' it, Girl. It was a great photo shoot.

Must...Sleep

Cryptic post. Home safe. Errands today. Laundry. Clean house. Vacuum. Allergy injections. Watch Biggest Loser. Many things and posts to catch up on. An hour behind schedule. Must be in bed by now. Workout tomorrow morning. What was I thinking??? Up at 6:00 am, will feel like 3:00 am.

Set cell phone to alarm. Pray for me.

More later.

Promise.

Photo to look at until next time.

Beet Blood Splatter

We interrupt the Travel Blog to write a post that has been in the work for weeks and is just now getting written. After the author has caught up, the Travel Blog will proceed (complete with pictures).

So a few weeks ago I was in the kitchen opening a can of beets. The top popped off violently, causing beet juice to splatter all over the place. My imagination took over, and I immediately became a murderer; the beet juice was blood. I knew I had to erase all evidence of my horrendous crime. I washed what blood I could down the sink, and wiped up the rest with paper towels. I was careful to wipe the whole counter, the cabinets, and the floor. I washed my hands with soap and water. No one would ever know.

Alas, I am a sloppy suspect. I didn't check my clothes, and the next day I saw minute splatters of blood in a corner of the countertop I hadn't even thought of to check. My imagination enabled me to now be on the other side, on the forensics team. We saw the evidence so fast, we were able to spend the rest of the day at Dunkin' Donuts. I, of course, lobbied for Starbucks, but was outvoted. I will never say no to a chocolate frosted donut. I drank milk.

Travel Blog: The Plane

I got on the plane in Boston, heading for LAX. There was a backup in the aisle, and you would not believe the reason. Seems some guy's seat was stuck in the upright position, even tilting forward a little bit.

I am not kidding when I say there were two repairmen with all manner of tools fixing the seat right in the middle of boarding time. Honestly, do they not check the plane before they are about to use it?

We're supposed to watch the TV monitor for important information. The monitor closest to me has a screen that is black with a pink line running through the middle of it. The monitor has lost its heartbeat.

And now, the information for our foreign travelers. We're going to LA. You'd think Spanish, right? Nope. Francais. Toilette: "twa-lett-a".

At least we're leaving on time. On CNN they went on and on about delays at LAX due to fog. The pilot didn't say anything about fog, just mentioned that the weather was "hazy." Seems like the flight is a little hazy already, if you know what I mean. I've got my US magazine and airport-bought novel at the ready.

Travel Blog...Breakfast

Off to sunny California. Time for my semi-annual travel blog. Flying provides endless blog fodder.

Breakfast

Since I started working out with Superman Steve, I'm all about the protein. Steve says I should have some protein before my workout and after. I always have string cheese, yogurt, an egg, or almonds prepared. I thought about this as I cruised the airport, looking for my favorite before check-in eating spot.

I passed two Italian sandwich places. Pizza at 6:30 am? I don't think so. I glanced at, yes I did, McDonald's. I kept walking and saw a huge line at Bahston's favorite coffee spot, Dunkin' Donuts. Donuts at 6:30 am? Yes, Ma'am. However, Dunkin' Donuts is not my favorite coffee spot, so I kept moving.

And then I saw it, and I broke into a grin. Can you imagine? The CEO would love me. Ah yes, ain't nothin' like the sight of a Starbucks to warm one's heart and empty one's wallet.

My friend Amy and I were talking the other day about the loss of mom and pop stores and how corporations like Walmart and...well, Starbucks, have taken over and wasn't that terrible and nothing is personal anymore but there we were, sitting in a Starbucks.

The thing of it is, when you go to Starbucks, anywhere in the world, you know what to expect. I like that. It's comforting to me. I am a person who doesn't like to experiment. I can say, "Tall Awake tea with room", and I'll always get the same thing. There are a variety of sinfully fattening pastries, all of them delicious. I like the color scheme and the atmosphere. So far I've been to Starbucks in about five states and three countries. The currency may be different, but the muffins are the same.

Well, anyway, I got my tea and I had to decide on a fat. Protein? What's protein? After noticing that this Starbucks didn't have muffins with crumblies on top, I chose a raspberry danish. The danish was approximately the size and shape of a baseball mitt. The perimteter was a twisted coil of cinnamon covered dough, and plopped in the middle was a huge blob of garnet colored raspberry goo. I heard harps playing in the background and I saw cherubs flying overhead as I slowly ate a piece of heaven.

Baby, it's Cold Outside!

I bought a new pair of gloves yesterday. They were $30.

Ask me if I really need a new pair of gloves. I have 4 pairs already.

Ask me if I have spent more money in the 5 months since my father died than I've spent in the past 5 years.

Ask me if I care. One pair of gloves is really a pair of mittens, and I don't wear them, because they make me look like a giant baby.

Tiramisu, I Miss You

This is what I had for dessert last night. Words almost escape me. Alls I can say is, thank the good lord I learned how to use that jump rope.

Jive Turkey

I finally ran into the male turkey who's been in my neighborhood for the past few months. Here he is, waitin' for a donut. I told him that the store had just closed, and he was better off going to the Starbucks down the street. He didn't believe me.

Pushing the Limit

I got into it with Steve the other day. I was doing push ups, and when I was done, I asked him if that was five or six that I had done. He told me it was ten. I said, "C'mon, Steve, was it five or six?" He said, "Ten." I told him I wanted to put it in my blog, and he told me he didn't care what I wrote in my blog, I had just done ten push ups. I let it go, in a ticked off sort of way.

Today I was doing push ups, and I caught him in his miscount. When I was on number seven, he said, "Eight..." and when he said, "Ten", I knew it was really nine, so I did one more, and said, "That's ten!" I told him I caught him miscounting, and he said, "Really?" Then he told me he would rather that I do six push ups in good form than ten just to say that I had done ten. I told him I had gotten the point, but I still liked to know the number to show my progress.

For the record, I started off doing three, and now I can do ten. YESSSSSS!!!! I'm getting good at doing the sumo frog squat. One day, Steve says, I'll do one legged squats. Yowsah!

Oh, and by the way, I'm a real jock now. I have tendonitis, probably from that goddamn jump rope. I have to ice my knee. I am so buff.

Never Thought I'd Say It

I hate when people say, "There aren't enough hours in a day!" I think people are too busy in their lives and they don't take time to stop and do nothing. I am good at doing nothing. I take naps, I watch TV, I sit for many minutes with my cat on my lap and just watch her.

Lately, however, I have found myself thinking, horror of horrors, that there aren't enough hours in a day. I have a running list of things I'd like to or need to do. This is new for me. I think it has something to do with my father's death in the summer; I haven't felt the same since. No matter what age you are, not having parents puts you into a new bracket of life. It sucks.

I'm going to California for Thanksgiving. I'll be there for a week, visiting my cousins. One cousin asked if there was anything I'd like to do while I was there. I told her I'd like to do nothing.

I Ain't in Brooklyn No More

Yesterday I got my ass kicked by a jump rope. I had asked Steve to show me the proper form to jump, and what kind of rope to get. He gave me a rope and asked me to jump.

Memories of Brooklyn flooded back to me as I took the rope in my hands. The last time I had jumped rope for any amount of time was approximately 28 years ago. I was thinking of the rhymes we used to sing as I jumped: THUNK! THUNK! I sounded like an elephant, and I looked ridiculous.

Steve said, "See how hard you came down and how your knees were bent?" Turns out when you're jumping rope for fitness, you're supposed to jump lightly on the balls of your feet with your legs straight, just a light hop hop, as opposed to a THUNK THUNK. I was also double bouncing, which you need to do if you're chanting, "A my name is A-LEX, I live in ARI-ZON-A, my boyfriend's name is AL-BERT, and I sell APP-LES!" Alex in Brookline with no boyfriend needs to work out, not sell fruit.

Once I practiced a few times, I got better. He had me jump 10 times, then rest for 30 seconds. 10 more, then rest. Then 20 times, then 30. When I was done with 30, my face was all red and my legs felt like jelly. As I staggered off the mat like a drunken sailor, Steve asked me how I felt. I asked him if I was supposed to be walking like this (stagger stumble), and he said yes, because my muscles were saying, "What the hell???" Right.

I went straight to the sports store and got a leather jump rope with ball bearings on the handles so I could lightly flick the rope using my wrists instead of my whole arm. Eventually I'm supposed to look like a boxer in a training facility, skipping rope like I haven't a care in the world. I'll watch Rocky and Million Dollar Baby for inspiration.

The Training Continues

I am now into my third week with my personal trainer, Steve. I've gone five times, and guess what? I'm getting through the list of exercises in five minutes! Remember the frog pose (otherwise known as the sumo squat), the one where I could only get down halfway? Well, I can just about touch my fingers to the floor now.

Personal training has changed my life. I have more body awareness, more confidence, and I'm using muscles I didn't even know I had. I now do exercises with a five pound medicine ball (a weight ball), and a medicine ball with a handle that I forget the name of. I do reverse chin ups where I lay down on the floor and pull myself up, and I can do three push ups (the kind on your knees). I need to keep track of how many I do, because in a month or two I'll be doing more, for sure.

A word about push ups: Steve told me that most people do them with their hands spread way apart, and you can do more that way. The form he's taught me is where you put your hands right next to your chest, and you touch your nose to the floor and come up. It's really hard. Try it! My arms and shoulders are pretty sore. I work so hard, arrghh!!!!!

It feels great when Steve has me try something new and then modifies it because it's too easy for me. He told me that my form on my push ups was nearly perfect. Yay! I love going to the gym now, and I'm not intimidated by the people or the locker room anymore. In fact, I gotta go; got an hour with Steve in just a few minutes! I'm pumped!

Bento Box

I have a new perk at the house of two of my students. A couple of times now, when I'm finished with the lesson, not only do I get my usual cash money, but I also get a bento box for dinner. A bento box is a lunch in a box in Japan, made with rice, seafood, vegetables, etc. You get a little of everything. What this mom does for me is put whatever they are having for dinner into a Glad container. I get a hot delicious dinner when I get home!

And so nutritious! There's a little bit of everything: beef, rice, eggs, salad in one, and pasta with meat sauce, potato salad, salmon, and lettuce in the other one. I think we Americans should eat like this. It's healthy, and oh so yummy! Thanks again, Kako san!

Halloween 2007

The pair of leopard tights I'd been using as my costume for the past seven years or so finally got a run in them last year, so I had to think quick for a costume this year. Luckily, I saved my karate outfit from when I took lessons awhile back. HAI-YA! See how I chopped little Red Sox fan Kate down to the ground? Tough love, that's what I teach. Here are my favorite neighborhood Jack-O-Lanterns:

WOO-HOO!!!

The Boston Red Sox have won the World Series, yay!!!

Here's the thing: I don't especially care about sports, nor do I understand them or enjoy them. However, Boston is a city in which there are a lot of Red Sox fans, and one can't help but get caught up in the hoopla that surrounds Red Sox Nation.

I started paying attention to the Red Sox this year, i.e., checking if they won or not. Well, they kept winning, so I kept paying attention. And, starting in the playoffs, the ACLU or ASCF or whatever it's called, I started actually watching a couple of hours of each game. I'm learning some things, like: there is a relationship between the guy who's pitching and the guy who's catching. They are on the same team.

Mostly, I like to play games while I'm watching with people. Last night's game was about facial hair. I thought that more players than not had facial hair, and a guy my friends and I were watching with started counting who was clean shaven and wasn't. Turns out that there are more hairy players.

Next up: The Patriots will win the Superbowl. I'll think of a game to play while I watch.

He's Gonna Pump...Me Up!

I have 6 months until I turn 40, and I am determined to get in shape by then. I've decided to work with a personal trainer to help me achieve my goal of getting rid of the small tire that has creeped around my waist and firm up the rest of me. Watching a couple of seasons of The Biggest Loser has really gotten me motivated.

Yesterday I had my first session with my personal trainer, Steve. He looks sort of like Christopher Reeve as Superman, but he's in between Clark Kent and Superman. He's got the body, complete with tree trunk thighs, but he wears glasses.

As soon as I walked in the gym, I got nervous. It's a whole different world in a gym, one I am not used to at all. I feel the same way when I walk into a church or a bar. Places I am immediately comfortable in include playgrounds, Prince concerts, and huge cities like New York and Tokyo.

I had forgotten to bring a lock with me, so Steve offered to put my bag in the office. I went in the locker room to put my jacket and sweatshirt in a locker. I went around opening all the lockers that didn't have locks in them, and most of them were occupied. Guess people are really trusting here. I find one, and looked around. There were showers and toilets. People really do take showers in gyms?? I guess. I wasn't about to. I took a deep breath, and set off to get trained.

I was scheduled for an hour. Steve walked me through a list of exercises and stretches, that he said would take 5 minutes in a couple of weeks. I barked out, "HA!"; you should have seen how long that list was! We went through all of them, and it took the whole hour. If I ever finish that list in 5 minutes, I will be very proud of myself.

Some were harder than others. The most fascinating one was one in which you stand up, then slowly squat down all the way, keeping your butt sticking out, and your feet flat on the floor. When Steve was showing me, all I could think of was that he looked like a frog on steroids. I tried it, and I swear to God, alls I could do was go down halfway. He told me I'd get there, and gave me homework so I could work on it at home. I'm determined to look like a frog.

There was one where he stretched out on his side, leaning on his forearm. He showed me the position, and said, "...and then you lift your hips up like this." I laughed out loud, as if I was saying, "And you expect me to do that??" He asked me if that was nervous laughter, and I told him I supposed it was. Guess what? I did it on the first try! Thing is, I had never put my body in that position before and tried to lift my hips, so how was I to know? It just looked hard.

One thing I learned is that my confidence in what I can do is pretty low. Interesting, because I could do just about everything he showed me. This will be an interesting experience, for sure.

I took some Advil before I went to bed, fully expecting to be sore this morning, and I was right. It was not fun to climb down the ladder of my loft bed, let me tell you. I took a hot bath, and now I feel well enough to trek over to Starbucks. Later on, I will practice my frog stance. Ribbit!

My Precious Baby

Stories are a' comin', I just had to post this first. I do believe my cat is too precious for words, really. I mean, really. Look at that fluff!

Got Milk?

Hey Y'all,

It's been awhile since I've blogged. Had a nasty cold for about five days, and I'm just now feeling like myself again. I'll be back to blogging in the coming week. Until then, here's a pic to enjoy!

WHOOPS!

I just made a $450.00 mistake. Instead of writing a check in as $450.00, I wrote it in as $12.00. I was wondering why I had so much money in my account. Oh well, I'm independently wealthy, so it actually doesn't make a difference to me. NOT!

"Uh, excuse me, Therapist? Yeah, it's me, Alex. Um, could you do me a favor, and not deposit that check I wrote to you yesterday? Yeah, thanks. I should be okay in a week or so. Thanks. Yeah, I'll see you next week. Yep. Okay, bye."

Thank goodness I just bought that huge box of Special K. I'll be eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the rest of the month. And knock off that pesky 5 lbs. while I'm at it!

Dental Dilemma

I got a letter in the mail saying that my dentist had moved back to Israel. I am really bummed out. I've been with this dentist for at least ten years. He knows me. He knows my mouth. He knows my teeth. He knows the one tooth that has given me problems since I had a bad dental experience when I was a kid.

Dr. Tencer (aka Dr. T) has seen me through bleached blond shaved hair, an eyebrow ring, and long locks. He wasn't shy about giving me his opinion on my changing style (he liked the natural look, no piercing), and didn't take crap when I'd breeze in a half hour late. One time I came in late for my appointment, and he was putting on his leather jacket. I asked him where he was going. He said, "I'm going to lunch. You're late!" After that, the ladies behind the desk and I set up a system. They always scheduled my appointments fifteen minutes later than the time they told me. They told me to write 10:15 in my book when my appointment was really at 10:30, so I wouldn't be late. It worked. I was never late again.

I have this one tooth that has always given me problems. Dr. T talked about a root canal for years, but he wanted to wait until it was absolutely necessary. As long as I wasn't in pain, he'd leave it. He replaced the filling twice, I had gum surgery, we worked very carefully to keep it clean. I started flossing, My cleanings are a breeze now. My tooth is safe.

Will this new doctor keep my tooth safe? Will he take care of me the way Dr. T did? Will he hide the giant injector behind his back and try to make a joke so he can sneak it in? I'm gonna miss Dr. T. Guess I'll give the new guy, Dr. Pezzolesi (Dr. P?) a try. The consultation's free, anyway.

Sleepy's Update

Awhile back I was musing on the subject of the Sleepy's logo man. I wondered why he used to have a mustache and why he suddenly doesn't (see pics).



I wrote to Sleepy's to inquire, but didn't get an answer. Yesterday I was walking in my neighborhood and passed a Sleepy's store I had forgotten was there. I went into the empty store and asked the manager. He told me that the owner of Sleepy's changed the logo because so many people said the logo man looked like Hitler (just like my friend Diana had figured). The owner is Jewish, so he wouldn't have purposely made Mr. Sleepy look like Hitler, but I guess a lot of people complained. So, there it is. Mystery solved. Whew.

Ode to a Death Certificate

I almost went postal in the post office yesterday.

You would not believe what I had to go through to get my dad's second batch of death certificates. "What?" you ask. "Second batch?" Let me explain:

When my dad died, I knew he was going to be cremated. Who knows about where to find a cremation place when one's remaining parent dies? Not me. I looked in the phone book. I chose the funeral home that I did because the funeral director's voice was kind.

One of the questions they ask when making funeral or cremation arrangements is, "How many death certificates would you like?" How many? I don't know, how many does one need? I ordered three. Who knows? I don't know from death certificates.

I make the other arrangements, and then I talk to some people. Turns out one should order far more death certificates than I did, because you need one for every account that was held. One to close the checking account, one to close the savings account, one for the phone company, one for the electric company, one for this IRA, one for that IRA, one for the life insurance, one to open an estate account, one to close the Visa account...you get the picture. I call back the funeral director and order seventeen more death certificates, to make a nice even twenty.

Well, apparently if you don't order them all at once it takes longer. The funeral director tells me that it will take eight weeks for the second batch to arrive. Fine. She even calls me to ask where they should be sent. I calculate when I will receive them (August 21st), and request that they be sent to my house. She says she'll send them on to me when she receives them.

August 21st comes and goes and no death certificates. I call the funeral director. She reminds me that she said it would take a long time. I remind her that eight weeks have gone by. She says she has to deal with the city now and find out what's going on. I am very aware that this is not my fault.

I call the city myself, and they tell me that the death certificates had to be altered as a result of the autopsy report (the original three said cause of death unknown, and the new ones would now say cardiovascular disease), and that they had been ready since July 31st. I find out that I can't order death certificates myself; they have to be sent to the original source; in this case, the funeral director. She and I go back and forth on the phone.

On September 27th, thirteen weeks after I request them, the death certificates come in the mail. They arrive via registered mail, so I have to go to the post office to pick them up. I finally have them in my hands. It's emotional.

I get home, open the envelope, and read over the altered certificates. I cannot believe my eyes when I see that they got my dad's date of birth wrong. I start crying. They had it right in the first batch, and now it's not even off by a digit, it's off by a few days. I figure for insurance purposes they're going to want to correct date. They also got his education wrong (an Associate's degree instead of a Bachelor's), but I'm not going to fight that. I'm so exhausted from this process. Who knew it would be so nerve wracking?

I call the funeral director and try to keep it together. I tell her that I can't take this anymore, she has to make a phone call, because I'm losing my mind over this. She immediately makes a call and arranges to have the certificates sent directly to me, which they usually don't do.

Yesterday I got a notice that a registered envelope was waiting for me at the post office. I could pick it up after 5:00; the post office closed at 7:00. I go at 6:00, which is a lot after 5:00, and the guy behind the counter tells me that the envelope is still on the truck and the driver isn't back yet. I breathe. I breathe. I very nearly lose it. I tell the man that it's not really that great to have such specific directions if a package isn't going to be where they say it's going to be. I realize it's out of my hands for the moment, and try to calm down. The guy tells me to come back tomorrow, and I tell him that I don't want the same thing to happen. He assures me it won't. I hold it together.

Today I go to get the envelope, fifteen weeks from when I request it. It's there. I open it at home. It's correct. They send sixteen instead of the seventeen I paid for ($15 for each). I notice that, but at this point, I don't care. I can move on. I will move on. Now I know from death certificates.

A New Taste Sensation!

Yesterday I was at a cafe with some friends. We walked into the place, and one of the first things we noticed were these mondo muffins. We knew we wanted to try them.

Turns out they're a creation called donutmuffins, which is a combination of, can you guess, a donut and a muffin. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined such a perfect combination.

They came hot off the grill (?!?) with a side o'butter. The consistancy was exactly like what you would imagine a donut and muffin put together would be like. The outside was encrusted with a cinnamon/sugar mix, and the whole thing was so delicious I had another one today. I plan to walk 38 miles tomorrow to burn off my sins of the weekend.

JT Obsession

I'm on a Justin Timberlake fix right now, ever since my friend Courtney gave me his lastest CD and we saw his concert on HBO. He's a smooth dude, for sure, and his songs are so dance-able and sway-y. And that falsetto! Oooh!

He can get a tad corny with the lyrics, such as,
"You cheated girl, my heart bleeded girl..."

But he makes up for it by sounding like he's got a Baptist church choir backing him up. Save me, Jesus!


(note to Prince: this in no way reflects any loss of love for you, my dear Purple One)

Much Better

Had a much better English lesson with the two boys today. I brought Boggle, and we got to shaking that container first thing. We played three rounds, then played three rounds of the card game Crazy Eights. At the very end, the girl wanted to put together her 100 piece Hello Kitty puzzle. I told them we had five minutes to do it, and we zipped along and got it done in four.

Great energy, great lesson.

Productive Day

I had the morning off today, and I made the most of my time. Here's what I did today:

8:30 am--Went to Starbucks with a friend. Egg & sausage sandwich, tea.

9:00 am--Walked off my sandwich instead of taking the T. Went to post office and mailed a photo that I had promised to a friend 3 years ago. Got a mail order for a print I've wanted for a year.

Walked to the hardware store and bought a lamp that I've wanted for only a week.

Back home. Vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen. Ate lunch.

2:30--Walked to Coolidge Corner. Dropped off pants to get a new snap. While waiting for snap, went to frame store and chose a frame for a painting I've had for almost a year.

3:00 pm--Picked up pants and went to get allergy shots.

4:30--Taught English. While talking to kids, drank fresh apple cider and ate fresh pumpkin pie supplied by the mom (the family had just gone apple picking).

5:30--Left the English lesson with a dinner packed for me by the mom: Mexican food, Japanese style. White rice, topped with chili, lettuce, cheese, and salsa. Yummy!

7:30--Blogged, finishing just in time for tea, dessert, and The Biggest Loser.

A wonderful, productive day!

Close Your Curtains

Look! A Peeping Tom!

Okay, so it's not a tom turkey, I don't think.
There's a family of turkeys in my neighborhood.
They usually travel around in a pack, with two females and about thirteen chicks. There's also
a male somewhere who likes to hang out near
the Dunkin' Donuts, I've heard. He likes to
direct traffic.

I was surprised to see this turkey by herself, but I figured that maybe she was scoping for a new location to move the fam.

After I took my shot and kept walking, I saw a blind man walking down the block with his seeing eye dog. I warned him that there was a turkey about five houses down, so in case his dog went crazy, he'd know why. He politely declined my offer to help him cross the street. I wished him luck and went on my way. I do love this little town.

It Gets Better

...and then I get cards like this one, from one of my eleven year old Japanese students:

Dear Alex,

Thanks a lot for helping my English. I think I am better in English because of you. If I wasn't met with you, maybe I'm still very shy that I don't have friend except for Japanese.

This girl is moving back to Japan in a few weeks, and I'm so sad. I've been with her one year, and she went from being such a shy girl who would not talk at all to a girl who reads Harry Potter out loud with different character voices and gestures. She was making such strides, and is so much fun to talk to.

I told her to practice English when she got back to Japan, because she has a gift. Then her mom tells me that I have a gift as a teacher, and of course I started crying, and she started crying, and then we took goofy pictures and I promised to visit them in Japan.

Teaching is so rewarding, even when it's challenging. I love it.

The Long Walk to English

This is the hallway that I walk down to teach English to two (sometimes three) kids. Every time I see this hallway I want to call out, "Dead man walking!" or I feel like I'm in a funhouse.

When I arrive, there are two boys, aged eight and eleven, and a girl, aged five. The girl is always happy and excited. The boys are less than thrilled. I have never experienced such a lackluster response when I enter a house, but these boys are so shy and seemingly not interested, I wonder what I can do to get them excited. I can usually get them involved when I bring a game, but it's like pulling teeth.

Today the eight year old simply walked away, and I talked to the eleven year old. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he was tired because he played soccer.

Me (in Japanese) What's wrong?

Him (in English) Tired.

Me: Why?

Him: Soccer.


I asked him if he liked English lessons, and he looked up a word in his electronic dictionary and showed me: ordinary, common. The eight year old said so-so. I can't tell if they really don't like it or if they're too cool for English lessons. It's not like I sit there and drill them. We play games! The thought just occurred to me that maybe they don't like starting with homework. I like to see what they're doing in school. Oh well.

Finally I brought out my game and told their mom that I would play with the five year old, and when I did, the other two got interested. We had a good time, but then when it came time to say goodbye, not a word out of them. It's puzzling, but I'll keep trying.

Dilemma

Both Kid Nation and America's Top Model are having their series premieres tonight at the same time and I don't have TiVo!!!

English Makes No Sense

I teach English conversation to Japanese kids and adults. Last week I was with an eleven year old girl, discussing the difference between "desert" and "dessert". We went through the pronunciation: DEsert...deSSERT. We did it a few times for fun, and all was well.

A few minutes later I was reading a book to her, and came across the following sentence:
"Don't desert me!" Sounds like the treat, spelled like the hot place! English can be so frustrating...

Cool Chair

There's this upholstery shop up the block from my house, and they put newly done chairs in the window about once a week. Saw this one yesterday. I love it! Reminds me of my tattoos.

And Now For Dessert

Lest you think all I do is eat fresh bananas and cauliflower, I give you...the Double Decker Oatmeal Creme Pie, courtesy of Little Debbie. Have you ever seen something so deliciously sinful, for only 50 cents?

Backstory: When I was growing up in Brooklyn, I used to eat all sorts of snack cakes. One of my favorites was the oatmeal creme pie, by Drake's. When I moved to Boston, I discovered they didn't have Drake's, but Little Debbie is the closest I'll get. I started getting oatmeal creme pies just for old time's sake, and then I started eating them on a semi-regular basis. And then I started noticing that I could pinch an inch around my midsection.

I went to a nutritionist, and told her that I needed to eat something sweet every day, so give me some choices. She told me to keep my sweets to 100 calories. A regular Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie is about 300 calories. Guess how much a Double Decker is? A whopping 470!!! I make sure I can still enjoy it by cutting it up into fourths and eating only one of those fourths. Only 117 calories!

I'm off to eat organic fruit for breakfast before it goes bad, unlike my Little Debbie's. They never go bad.

Eating Right...for now

Remember awhile back when I was complaining about organic food? My friend Mike noted that it might not be an organic problem, but a locally grown problem. Fruits and veggies may be organic, but by the time they are flown from wherever and then sit on the shelf, their days are numbered. Better to buy local, and they'll last longer. Visits to our weekly farmers' market are good. One other issue for me is that my fridge is teeny tiny, a little larger than a college dorm cube type. I do my best.

I'm going to do very well for the next three weeks, as it turns out. My across-the-hall neighbors are on vacation, and they get organic food , mostly local, delivered to their place once a week. They're not here, so guess who gets to enjoy the goodies?

Got the box today, and I felt like Tiny Tim in A Christmas Carol when Scrooge turns kind. God bless us, everyone! In the box were:

apples
bananas
basil
red peppers
cantaloupe
cauliflower
celery
nectarines
pears
plums
potatoes

I split the box with our upstairs neighbor, and I got a phone call. My friends wanted to go out to dinner. Say what? Go out to dinner, when I'm just gettin' ready to try the new recipes enclosed in the "Good For You" box?

Yeah, I went. We had gourmet pizza. Hey, a girl can't change her eating habits overnight. I did eat 1/4 of the cantaloupe.

Another Great Idea!

I was just shopping at Trader Joe's, thinking, "I live by myself, I don't need six onions in a bag or two quarts of grape tomatoes", and suddenly I had an epiphany: Make a new section at the supermarket called Single Aisle. That's where you find food packaged in small containers, enough for one, perhaps two if you get lucky. Your food wouldn't go bad after non-use, and who knows, you just might meet that special someone shopping in the same aisle!

Sugar Shock!

Oh my god, I did it again. What is it about me and spilling sugar? And the funny thing is, I was on my way to get a healthy snack. I was going to pull down my container of almonds when my hand flicked the sugar bowl spoon, sending the sugar bowl cascading down, spilling sugar mostly all over the (thank goodness) empty dish drainer. It hit the floor too, making that terrible crunching sound I detest. I emptied the kitchen and cleaned it up. Made me want to throw everything in my house away. All the surfaces are constantly cluttered!

I was so frustrated by my spill that I forgot about the almonds and ate a Little Debbie's snack cake instead. More on that in a new post...

Whodunnit?

So Gerry and Kate McCann are going home to England, after being named as suspects in the disappearance of their 4 year old daughter, Madeleine. This story has gotten huge press since day one. Celebrities have given millions of dollars to the cause. Supposedly, this couple left Madeleine, along with her twin siblings, alone in a hotel across the street from where they were eating dinner. They went frequently to check on them. They've stayed in Portugal to find her, till now.

Now they want to go home. To what? Hire a lawyer? Get out of the public eye all of a sudden?

Here's the thing: police found traces of Madeleine's blood in the couple's car. My first thought was, "So what? The kid had a nosebleed/scrape and got blood on the car. Doesn't mean her parents murdered her." But I guess it was found months after her disappearance. But can that mean that the police just overlooked it the first time? Are they being framed? Or did the parents do something to her?

Usually in cases like this, I think the father did it. It's always the father. But for some reason, I don't think they did it. I mean, they have gone through a lot to publicize this case. If they did do it, my god, are they working hard to cover their tracks. So who did it? What happened? I don't know, this is a tough one. Looks like another JonBenet Ramsey, unfortunately.

Mayberry

I grew up in NYC. I am a city girl, through and through. I live in a town right next to Boston now, a town that I have nicknamed "Mayberry". Remember The Andy Griffith Show? That's the town they lived in. I call Brookline "Mayberry" because I see someone I know at least once a day, and many times I see a few people I know, especially if I'm walking past the playground. It's just a nice neighborly place to be.

The town really earned it's nickname this evening. At 4:00 today I was at the playground with one of my kids. We went back to my house, had a snack, her mom picked her up, etc. At 6:45 I went to look for something in my backpack (i.e. my life), and it wasn't in my house.

I retraced my steps and went to the playground, and there it was, nearly 3 hours later, still sitting at the bench where I had left it. Everything was still there. That's Mayberry for you.

I remember once I was in a movie theater in NYC, and when the movie was over, I walked out. I got to the last row of seats before the exit door, and I suddenly remembered that I had left my windbreaker on my seat. When I went back to get it, it was gone.

I just got off the phone with a friend who told me that her son's bicycle helmet and pair of Crocs was stolen from that same park where my backpack was. Okay, guess I was just lucky today. But another friend told me she left her baby Bjorn there overnight and it was still there. So I'm lucky and I live in a nice town.

Important Business

Readers, let me give you some advice. Today, tomorrow, at some point in the next month, sit down with your parents and have "the talk". I'm talking about the death talk, people. It is very very important. Find out if they have a will. Find out who will be responsible for taking care of things when your last living parent dies. Even if you are not the one responsible, make sure you know where the important information is. You never know if you will have to do something.

My most important piece of advice when your last parent dies is: Order a lot of death certificates, at least 20. They're not cheap, something like $15 each, but you'll need a lot for different accounts. Every company that you contact to tell them your parent has passed wants a copy of the death certificate.

Be prepared to get the runaround. This is not something you will want to deal with at such a delicate time, but it will probably happen. I'm dealing with small little details that can drive a person insane. Closed one bank account, only to find out it was automatically re-opened because my dad had set up an automatic payment at the end of every month. I didn't know where that payment was coming from, so his bank gave me the number of the bank they thought was involved. I called that bank, only to find out that it was from an IRA account. Now I have to call that place.

If you know all the accounts of your parent, perhaps it will be easier. Who is this organized, though? Not many people. In any case, the more you know, the better. I knew one piece of information, but I'm learning so much more. What a process. I'm going to make an envelope called, "What To Do When I Die". It will have all the numbers of people to call, or email addresses. All accounts, who gets the cat, etc. Only problem is, if I ever get my house broken into, it will be a thief's dream come true. Gotta think about that.

Thanks for reading. I needed to vent.

What's the Address?

I'm looking for number 40; Is this it?

Updates

Updates on a couple of my previous posts: (See? Aren't updates a good idea for anything?)

Music you can play to: I thought of two more songs I love to play string instruments to: Funkytown (Won't you take me to...Funkytooowwwn?) and Britney Spears' "Toxic".

On Sleepy's: Most people I've talked to think that the Sleepy's man shaved his mustache because with it, he looked too much like Hitler. Or maybe the creator of the character died, and they were finally able to make him look more like Joe Consumer and less like Joe Evil.

I wrote an email to the Sleepy's company and asked why Mr. Sleepy had shaved. I am awaiting a reply.

Seen on TV

Readers, be warned: When school starts next week, I won't be blogging as often. It's just that I've had the whole month of August off, and I've spent many hours of it in front of the tube. You won't believe what I just saw.

Eyelash implants! Tired of buying false eyelashes? Eyelash glue irritating your eyes? Want thicker, fuller eyelashes for only $6,000? With this surgery, they take hairs from the back of your head and implant them in your eyelids. They grow, so you have to trim them once in awhile. Years ago, this procedure was only sought by trauma patients, but now anyone can get it done!

I will say it right here, I am vain, I admit it. I am very satisfied with my looks, and I guess I should count myself lucky. I don't pluck my eyebrows, I don't get anything waxed, I don't go to tanning booths. Please commit me the day I say I want hairs from the back of my head to be implanted into my eyelids!!! I prefer to beautify myself by spending hundreds of dollars on tattoos.

Day Spa

Want a pedicure, massage, hair style, ear piercing, and fun conversation for just $20?

Go to a nail salon where the owners have two little girls, aged 6 and 8! I love my nail salon, because I get to hang out with Kelly and Elizabeth, who are very girly and love to show off their jewelry and ask me questions about my tattoos. Today I went in and got to talk to them while I was getting my pedicure. As I was waiting for my toes to dry, we looked through magazines and the younger one, Elizabeth, "did my hair". She clipped her plastic earrings to my ears. It pinched a little, and when I said something, the older one, Kelly, told me to say, "Hawaii...Hawaii..." That was supposed to relax me and make me not think about the ear piercing pain. We chanted "Hawaii" for awhile, then looked at more magazines.

With all the chanting and getting my hair played with, I was quite relaxed by the time my toes were dry. I felt like taking a nap. The girls walked me out the door, and we chanted all the way to the corner. I told them, "Goodbye iiiii..."

All that, and sparkly nails too!

Organic Schmanic

Listen, I know you're supposed to buy organic. I know it's better for you not to eat pesticides and growth hormones and you're supposed to go to the Farmer's Market and Whole Foods and be all crunchy granola and healthy.

But you know what? That stuff doesn't last! God forbid you should decide to eat a healthy organic salad two days in a row and then decide to go out for two days because you are a popular single gal. God forbid, because you might go back to your organic salad fixin's and find that your grape tomatoes are liquid mush and your organic baby spinach leaves are brown and squishy. It's so disgusting, it makes me not want to buy organic sometimes.

(insert maniacal laughter here)

Ah bwaa haaa haha ha...look what I had for a
snack yesterday, hahahahahaha!!!

Take THAT, all you health nuts!

(by the way, I did buy nonfat yogurt and string
cheese at Trader Joe's today; I'm not that unhealthy).