Small Comforts

It's so comforting to know that although the neighborhood I grew up in has changed a lot, in some ways it's very much the same. I had to do some laundry, and the laundrymat where I used to go as a teenager is still there, so that's where I did my laundry. The people were different, and the little nasty Pomeranian wasn't there anymore, but it looked basically the same. I sat outside while the washing machine did its thing and listened to my iPod as I watched the people go by.

I've been taking great shots of NYC scenes, which I'll post when I get home. New York, New York, it's a hell of a town.

Getting Personal

I don't usually get too personal on this blog, but I feel like it right now. My dad died last weekend, in his sleep, listening to classical music. A perfect way to go, in my opinion.

I "came home" to NYC from Boston, and I've been getting blasts from the past ever since I've been here. My dad has lived in this building for 39 years, since I was a baby. I lived here till I was 7, and then came on weekends after my parents got divorced. My brother has lived here with my dad for the past 17 years.

I was sitting on the step the other night, an activity I have done since I was a kid, watching the people go by. Neighbor after neighbor came into the building, and it was like "This is Your Life." I only see these people every few years, since I'm in Boston, but they always say hi and ask about my dad and brother. I got a huge dose of comic relief from one couple. I told them my dad had died listening to music, and the husband said, "What station? I'm not listening to it; I don't want to die!" Oh god, that was funny. Then the wife told me about this show they had just seen that I had to go to, it was only here till July 1st. Such New Yorkers, I love it.

I came in the other day with a bag full of stuff, and I put it on the radiator to wait for the elevator. The sound of the bag hitting the radiator gave me a flashback to my childhood. Strange and comforting how tiny things like sounds or smells can bring you back to a place you haven't thought about for a long time.

We're bonding, my brother, sister-in-law, and I. Going through stuff, throwing away bags and bags of stuff, sorting through papers. I keep calling his financial institutions, and they all say they need a death certificate. Poor man just got "out of the oven" as it were, and here I am trying to take care of business. It's the way we're grieving. I know I need to slow down, but I don't know how. Perhaps writing this will help. It's not even 9 am. Sigh.

Weather...or Not

Today is June 14th. It was 55 degrees today in Boston. I saw more than one person walking around in a down jacket. Another person was wearing a scarf. The heat is still on in my house. How can a person enjoy a picnic wearing long johns? This is not right. It just isn't.

A Clean Apartment in Half an Hour!

Want to make your apartment spic and span? Want to have it done quickly?
Here are 6 easy steps to a place that looks like new!

1) Have a meeting scheduled, in 30 minutes.

2) Have your cat go poop, but not quite all the way.

3) Have her scuttle all over the apartment on her ass, trying to get it out. Make sure she covers the kitchen, the floor, the rug, and the $69 Ralph Lauren bath rug (which was a gift, you would never pay $69 for a bath rug).

4) When the place stinks to high heaven, and her mission is complete, shove her out into the hallway, and grab the vacuum and Murphy's Oil Soap.

5) Scrub the floors and carpets with the soap, on your hands and knees, like Cinderella. It's the only way to get a floor really clean. Curse the cat you formerly referred to as "my baby".

6) Vacuum the floor and rugs.

In under 30 minutes, your place will be clean as new, and no one will know what unspeakable horror occurred but you and the cat (and the neighbor, whom you called to vent your frustrations). Voila!

Another day at Starbucks

See the guy wearing the khaki cargo shorts? He doesn't feel like holding his book, so he put it in the back of his pants. I have never understood this practice, in particular from a guy who has at least 6 pockets in his pants. Thoughts?

High Expectations

Today I had my first English lesson with two Japanese boys, ages 10 and 8. They're both very shy and quiet, and they've only been here for a couple of months. Their 5 year old sister flitted back and forth among us.

I brought a card game that I use in all of my first lessons, and I'd say it was a success. I got them to laugh a lot, in their shy way, and that's always one of my goals. The 8 year old won every game, even though this was the first time he had played it. I helped the 10 year old with English sentences, and we ended with talk of birthdays. At one point the boys had a race with their electronic dictionaries to find out how to say a Japanese word in English. I had a great time.

The 10 year old disappeared at the end, so I asked the 8 year old if he liked the lesson. Talking through his mother, he said it was "futsuu", which means "ordinary." When he saw the exaggerated look of shock on my face, he changed it to "between neutral and interesting." What I love the most is how kids will tell it like it is, no matter what. This kid has high expectations. Guess I'll have to step up my game. Next week he won't know what hit him.

It's Just Another Vermin Monday

I'm known as the animal rescuer at my school. In the past 10 years, I have rescued a frog, a pigeon, several insects, and have assisted in the rescue of an opossom and a bat. Today's rescue was a baby mouse. Poor little thing was just sitting there, separated from its nest, looking cute and forlorn at the same time. I would have liked to return it to its mummy, but there were curious children crowding around. I ended up taking it outside to the far corners of the property, where it immediately made a meal of a rain-soaked leaf. I figure it'll take about a week to make its way back.

After school I went to Starbucks to relax for awhile. My table was already occupied--by a huge cockroach. I didn't rescue this one; I asked someone to bring a broom and smash it. After I took a picture, of course.

Entitled Motorcycle

I was walking down the street a couple of weeks ago and saw a motorcycle parked in the middle of the sidewalk. Not in the street, not at the curb; on the sidewalk. How badly do you need that space? Check out the ticket, ha ha!

Serves you right.

I Have Sunk to a New Low

Last night I went to dinner with my friend Amy. I needed to buy groceries; milk, and something for lunch for today, but I didn't want to ask her to stop at the supermarket. We passed by a 7-11 and ran in. I got milk and walked around the store for about 10 minutes, trying to find something edible for lunch. There were individual slices of Spam, refrigerated spaghetti and meatballs that were freshest by yesterday, chicken salad wraps that looked very soggy, and ramen noodles.

Just as I was about to give up, I spotted this:

And I bought it. It was nostalgic; having grown up

in New York, White Castle burgers were a rare

treat whenever I used to go beyond city limits.

I asked the kid behind the counter if he had ever

tried them, and he said, "Yeah, they're really

good. Actually, I like everything in this store."

Lord help me, and may the Organic Food Gods

forgive me for what I am about to eat for lunch

today.

Eye Opener

I can't see a thing without my contacts or glasses. This morning I woke up and noticed a smudge on the ceiling near the trim. Since I sleep in a loft bed, the ceiling is pretty close to me. I squinted my eyes to get a closer look. Closer...closer...and then I figured out what it was. What a sight to wake up to, can you imagine? I cursed at it and left it there; I'll deal with it later.

Food Fun

Check out this big ass strawberry that was at

my school's potluck dinner. Thang was big! Yummy, too. Compliments of Trader Joe's.

Also at the party: Dino Dip. How

adorable is that?

Little Moments

I love little moments. Today it was pouring rain. I was walking along with my umbrella and I saw two people without. The first guy just smiled at me, and a few blocks later, a second guy walked past me, soaking wet. As I got close to him, I said, "Aw, screw the umbrella!" He laughed and said, "You're a baby!" (for using one) Interacting with strangers like that makes me feel like this world is not so big.

I saw a big earthworm squirming around on the pavement, and I put it back into the earth, to atone for the small earthworm I did not put back into the earth a few days ago. It was also to atone for not telling the woman at the bakery she gave me too much change. This was over a month ago, and I'm still feeling guilty about it. It was $5. Discovering my neighbors' indoor cats outside and knocking on their door to tell them about it should make it all come out even.

All this atonement, you'd think I was raised Catholic. In fact, I was raised with no religion at all, but baptized Catholic. Must've been some good conscience down there in that holy water.

Sick Half Sleeve Ink

I love language, especially slang. Today I was wearing a short sleeved tee shirt and jeans, so everyone was looking at the tattoo on my arm. More than usual, people were commenting on it.

Young woman: Hey, nice half sleeve.

(translation: Excuse me, nice tattoo that goes from your shoulder to your elbow)

Appropriate response: Thank you.

Young man, walking slightly behind me:

Hey, that ink is sick!

(translation: Excuse me, but your tattoo is really nice!)

I also replied "thank you" to him. Can you imagine saying thank you to someone who says, "That ink is sick!"? I laugh just thinking of it.

Well, I'm gonna go download some sick music on my iPod and upload some photos to my blog. Later!

Spare Tire? No problem!

Dear Readers,

If you haven't been fortunate or unfortunate enough to try my GI Virus diet, I've found a new way to get rid of the dreaded "muffin top" when you put on a pair of jeans! Got an extra inch or so around your waistline? Does it spill over when you put on a pair of jeans? Are you older than 18? Has something foreign happened to your body around your mid to late 30's? Then here's the solution for you!

It's called NSJ. NSJ can be found in any store, but you may have to shop around for a brand of NSJ that you like. What does NSJ stand for? Next Size Jeans! Here's all you do:

Step 1--Put on a pair of jeans in the size you've worn for the past 10 years. Feeling a little snug? Got a little extra flab to play with? Ick!

Step 2--Put on a pair of jeans in the next size. No flab! No suffocating! No problem! It may take a few sessions of therapy to get used to this new change, but as long as you can breathe, it will be better for you.

Another solution to this problem is the new HWJ, otherwise known as the High Waist Jean. They're making a comeback! These are not to be confused with the "Mom Jean", which should not be worn at any time.

Good luck, and happy breathing!

School Stories

When I was in NYC a few weeks ago, I saw a billboard ad for a childcare center. It was open 7 days a week, 23 hours a day. What hour were they closed, and what do they do for that hour, clean the place?

Here's a cute scene I came upon at my school last week. It's nice to see ocean mammals enjoying a healthy meal. I think the dolphin must have eaten too much.

A Very Long Evening

Today I was in Coolidge Corner, very close to Trader Joe's, where I needed a few groceries. It was 5:00 and I hadn't been home from work yet. I wanted to go home, relax for a few, and then go out again later. On the way home I stopped at CVS. My hands were full of my wallet, my keys, and the receipt, so I stuffed the CVS bag and wallet into the big section of my backpack. Usually I'm very careful about putting my wallet in a different section.

When I got home, I took the CVS bag and wallet out and put it on the table. I checked email, watched the news, had dinner, and prepared to go to Trader Joe's. I wanted to go tonight, because it was a lovely evening, and the forecast predicted rain for tomorrow. I needed milk for my morning tea, and I figured I'd get my contribution to a friend's potluck birthday dinner on Saturday. I also wanted to get the frozen strawberries and cream dessert I had just had at a student's house. Yum! I took my backpack and my iPod, and walked the 3/4 of a mile to Trader Joe's. I wore my new hot pink Mary Jane Crocs, despite my plan to wear them only in the house. They're easy to put on, and I didn't have any other shoes that went with my breezy turquoise skirt quite as well.

Got to TJ's, shopped around, went back and forth on the yogurt (the only yogurt I like turns out to be whole milk yogurt, go figure), and settled on mochi ice cream, as they were sold out of the frozen strawberries and cream.

Went to the checkout, put my basket on the shelf, and opened the wallet section of my backpack. Felt for my wallet, and it wasn't there. In my mind I saw my wallet on my table, on top of the CVS bag. Shit. Fuck. Goddamn it! The cashier said he could put my groceries in a cooler and I could come back. I'm not coming back tonight, man, I just walked here! I sighed deeply, told the cashier that I was getting my exercise in, and left, cursing under my breath.

I went across the street and you know I waited for the bus, I wasn't about to walk 3/4 of a mile back home, screw that. Thankfully, the bus gods took pity on me and sent one immediately. I got off at the stop that would take me near the playground near my house, and I walked through the park. Saw two of my kids, who came running over with big hugs. Gigi asked me where I was coming from. I said, "Trader Joe's, but do you see I have no groceries in my hands? I forgot my wallet." "Oh," said five year old Gigi, "I hate that feeling." After a minute she attempted to make me feel better by chirping, "At least they have free samples!" In an instant, all of my troubles disappeared. Who needs money when they have free samples?

(update: an hour after I finished this blog entry, I discovered $20 that had been in my wallet section the whole time. Is this a trend for me? What does it mean?)

Ahh, spring...

It's so lovely in Boston right now. People are planting flowers, gardening. There are tulips and new mulch everywhere. So many colors: red, yellow, pink, green, and brown. Some people feel such satisfaction after a good few hours in the sun, bonding with mother earth.

I would rather stick a hoe in my eye than garden.

If I had a garden, it would look like this:

Or maybe like this:

I'm a city girl, what can I say?

Butterflies in my hair

Hey Y'all,

I have so many stories, but I'm not in the writing mood these days, so you'll just have to bear with me. Here's a few pics of butterflies I took while at The Butterfly Place in Westwood, MA. I went with a Canon camera club, and we got the place to ourselves for two hours before they opened. I announced to the group that I had a fear of butterflies (they're so unpredictable!) that I was hoping to get over. Thank goodness the butterfly people turned down the heat for us to make the butterflies less active. Most of them just stayed still.

Later, the sun came out, and some of those beautiful giant blue ones started flapping around, and I swear they were divebombing me on purpose! One guy kept saying, "Watch out for that one, it has fangs!" Hey, I just don't like flappy things flying unpredictably around my head, can you blame me? Anyway, guess I had a small story in there after all. Enjoy the pics. More stories to come!

Fan

I went to Ikea the other night. At the end where they have the pick up bins, I looked up and noticed a huge fan. Looking closer, I noticed the name of the company: Big Ass Fans. Pretty funny.

Charlie Card Update

Update: after 4 letters and about 6 phone calls, my new May Charlie Card arrived in the mail yesterday. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Whee!

Yesterday I went to Issei and Yumeko's house as usual to tutor them in English. Issei is 10 and Yumeko is 13. Usually when I arrive, they're both upstairs and they come down with their backpacks. They dutifully start on their homework and I help them with that before we play a game. They've only been in this country for 7 months, so they're still learning English.

When I arrived yesterday, however, it seemed that Issei was suddenly fluent. He was downstairs already, and he greeted me with, "Hi! Homework finish! Want to play a game? I have Wii!" I had heard the big hoo ha over Wii, so of course I was curious. I told him I'd love to play, but since everything was in Japanese, he'd have to explain things in English. He said, "Yes." and Yumeko closed her backpack, clapped her hands, and said, "Okay!"

It was a great English lesson as they both explained how to move the controls, what the games were, and what I should do. My favorite game was a dart game where you held the control but moved your hand as if you were actually throwing a dart. Teaching English was never more fun.

Junk in the Trunk

Here's the thing: When you wear a trench coat, don't wear a fanny pack. It looks silly. And someone might take a picture of you from...behind, pun intended, and post it on their blog. Seriously.

Only in NE

Only in New England will you see a pair of flip flops and a pair of sheepskin boots on the same day...

More Celebrities

I saw Rosie O'Donnell and her partner Kelli in Provincetown, MA once.
Robin Williams eating at a Chinese restaurant in San Francisco.
The comedian Sinbad crossing the street in NYC.

Back when I was in high school, there used to be this hot male model in the Victoria's Secret catalogs. My best friend Aysha and I would drool over this guy in his satin boxer shorts. One day I was walking down the street in NYC and I saw him at a phone booth. I nearly died! I went right up to him and said, "Aren't you the guy from the Victoria's Secret catalog?" and he got this fake model look on his face and crooned, "Why, yes I am." I asked him for his autograph; his name was Bruce. I ran to a phone booth and called Aysha and screamed, "OhmygodIjustmettheVictoria'sSecretguyandIgothisautographohmygod!!!!" We were very excited.

This happened another time. The movie La Bamba was in the theaters, and Aysha and I were hot for Esai Morales, who played the brother. He was typecast as the bad boy; in fact, he had previously been in the movie Bad Boys with Sean Penn. I was waiting for the subway at Times Square, and who should I see coming to wait for the train but Esai Morales himself. He was carrying a basketball.

We made eye contact and smiled, and I said, "Are you Esai Morales?" and he said yes, and we started a conversation. He had just come from playing basketball in the Village. I remember I said something like "you famous people" or something, and he said, "What are you talking about? I'm just like you!" Yeah, right. When it was close to his stop he said, "Well, I have to be somewhere, but if I didn't, you would definitely be kidnapping material." What?? I thought that was a weird thing to say, but I smiled at him, nervously. Then he had the nerve to lean towards me, as if we were going to kiss goodbye! I said, "Uh, no thanks." and he was a little offended. We parted ways, and even though he creeped me out a bit, I still had to rush to the phone and call Aysha. I screamed, "OhmygodAyshaIjustmetEsaiMorales!!!" and she screamed, "Didyougethisnumber???" No, he gave me the willies. But it was still kinda cool.

My favorite celebrity sighting was Jeff Goldblum in Central Park. That man is tall, a real presence. He was bopping along, taking long strides, and everyone was gawking at him. All of a sudden he put his thumbs in his ears, waved his fingers, made a boogey man face and screamed, "Blaughhhhhh!" at the passerby. It was hysterical, and I thought a most appropriate response for a celebrity.

Celebrity Sightings

When I was in NYC, on my first morning I walked out of my hotel and within 5 minutes saw Alec Baldwin. He was waiting to cross the street, and I stared at him to make sure it really was a Baldwin. Looked his image up on the web to make sure it was Alec, and not one of the other ones. He was holding hands with a rather dowdy woman who I thought was his wife. When I called a friend to tell her about my celebrity sighting, she said, "He's not married! He's the Kim Basinger one!" Ohhh...was it his mother? She was short, and a little paunchy, not old enough to be his mother. Unless she dyed her hair. Who was that mystery woman? Who cares? I saw Alec Baldwin!

Other celebrities I have seen, in no particular order:

Madonna and Sean Penn, jogging in Central Park. This was back when they were married. Madonna whipped right past me, but Sean looked in my eyes. I thought he was going to punch me out.

Ron Palillo, who played Horseshack on the 70's sitcom Welcome Back Kotter. He came into Belvedere Castle in Central Park, where I used to work. Saw a lot of celebrities in Central Park.

Morgan Freeman, riding his bike in Central Park. I was in my early twenties, but looked like a teenager. I stopped him and said, "Mr. Freeman, I've been a fan of yours ever since you were on The Electric Company." He replied, "And look atcha now, all grown up!" It sounded condesending to me, and left a bad impression.

Another bad impression was when I met Sonia Manzano, who plays Maria on Sesame Street. I used to be one of the little kids on Sesame Street, and of course all little kids idolize the cast, right? I had proof I was on the show when I was looking through one of my college textbooks that I had bought. There was a picture of Maria and the back of my head, on the Sesame Street set. When I heard that Maria was going to be at the Children's Museum of Boston, I brought the book to show her. I went up to her and said, "Look, this is me and you!" and she said to me, "How do you know that's you?" Oh my god, I was so pissed and disappointed in her.

More celebrity sighting stories to come...

NYC

I was in New York City the other day. What a city. I walked all over, up and down Broadway, and didn't feel like I was walking that much. Till I got back to my hotel room and fell asleep almost immediately. I calculated exactly how much I walked in one day. Eight miles. Eight! Wish I could do that every day, but walking in Brookline isn't the same.

Where else but NYC can you see a guy walking along in a funny hat making bird noises every few feet? And it wasn't to entertain the children; this was around 9:00 pm in Times Square. I saw this big tough looking guy on the subway, listening to his iPod. He looked like L.L. Cool J, very cute. He was listening to one of my favorite rap songs, and I wanted to tell him so. I waited till he looked up, and I said, "That's a great song." He said, "This one?" I said, "Yeah, it's one of my favorites. Thank you for listening to it so loud." He got this bashful "aw shucks" look on his face and said, "You're welcome."

I saw this sign:

Perfect for the camera tripod that

walks. More NYC adventures to come.

When You're Pissed, Write a Letter

This is a letter I wrote to the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority:

March 13, 2007

To Daniel Grabauskas, General Manager

I have lived in the Boston area for fifteen years, and have been a faithful T rider since I stepped foot in this wonderful city. In recent years I have bought my monthly T Pass at the Mailboxes Etc. store located in Coolidge Corner, Brookline. The set up was great; I'd buy my pass, use the accessible hole puncher to punch a hole in the pass so I could attach it to my key chain, and be on my way. I never lost a T Pass using this system.

In January, when the new Charlie Card arrived, I bought a monthly card as usual. I was disappointed to see that a hole could not be punched in it so I could put it on my key chain. It took me awhile to figure out where to put it each day so I wouldn't lose it. Each month when I went into the Mailboxes Etc. store, I was told by the store owner and employees to save my receipt; if I ever lost my card, it would be replaced. I was relieved.

Lo and behold, last week I had put my Charlie Card in my pocket, and at some point it fell out. I was glad I had my receipt as proof I bought it! I went into Mailboxes Etc. to get a new card, and was told that I would have to contact the MBTA.

I called the number printed on the receipt, and was told there was nothing that could be done. I later heard that the MBTA was supposed to set up a system in January whereby one could register a Charlie Card for replacement if it got lost. According to the MBTA website, that has not been done yet. That is not my fault.

When I went to complain to the owner of Mailboxes Etc., Chuck Peden, he told me that he was told by Rick (last name unknown), an employee of the MBTA, that a card would be replaced if lost. Rick is the person who trained the staff at Mailboxes Etc.

I was told multiple times that my card would be replaced if I lost it. I lost it; I want it replaced. I am asking for a check for $59.00 to cover the second card I had to buy in March. Enclosed is a receipt for the Charlie Card I bought February 28th.

I am extremely disappointed in the lack of organization of the MBTA and the new Charlie Card system. I look forward to improvements and consistancy, in addition to my check for $59.00.

Sincerely,

Alexandra Campbell

I printed this letter on bright yellow paper and sent a copy of it to the MBTA. My plan was to send one copy each week until I got a response. It took 4 letters until I got a phone call. I can just picture the scene in the office: Some higher up waving my letter and giving it to a junior employee, saying through clenched teeth: "Make this woman go away, I don't care what it takes!!!"

The woman on the phone said that while they couldn't cut me a check, they would send me a pass for the month of May so I wouldn't have to buy one. That's all I wanted. Justice was served.

And then...and I really hesitate to write this part of the story, but it wouldn't be complete if I didn't. Was in NYC yesterday during the torrental rain. My bags got drenched. When I got home today I emptied everything out of my backpack to let things dry. I went through every single pocket.

And found the Charlie Card I thought I lost. And I suddenly got a flash of the day I thought I lost it; I had put it carefully in a special pocket so I wouldn't lose it. Can one be too fastidious? Methinks so.

You might say that I owe Daniel Grabauskas a big fat apology. I am very embarassed, it's true. But here's the thing: It could have happened! I thought I lost it. Well, I lost it for a month and a half! Oh god, please forgive me.

Don't Try This

Hiro just bought a Lotus. I don't know jack about cars, but it's some very expensive designer car that's good for racing. He brought it over to show me.

I tried being a hot model for a hot model car, but I wasn't looking so hot when I tried to get out of it. It's not for the red carpet.

Stairway to Heaven, Part Three

Shelby, like myself, is a creature of habit. Every morning she sits on the floor and meows for me to wake up. Sometimes she does it at three in the morning. She doesn't want food or to go out; she wants attention. I go down to pee, acknowledge her, and then she's fine. It took her a week to figure out that she could now go up the stairs and be with me without waiting for me to go down. She did it this morning, and she loves it.

Stairway to Heaven, Part Two

So I got this nasty GI virus (see "A Diet That Really Works!") and when I felt better, I scrubbed the bathroom down with bleach bathroom cleaner to get rid of all the germs. I thought I had rinsed everything properly, but maybe not, because just a day later, Shelby got a case of the runs. This happens to her every once in awhile, and when I described it to the vet, he said that if it goes away in a day or two, it's something she's gotten into in the house. It's not like I leave toxic plants in her reach or have rat poison around. Thing is, Shelby's tastes run on the strange side. She loves to lick photographs and ink, either from a pen or a computer printer. I'm guessing she also likes bathroom cleaner.

In any case, the way I found out she had the runs was by coming home one afternoon to show a friend my place for the first time. We walked into a smell that would knock you back to 2006. Shelby was up in the loft, waiting for me to take her down. She was all the way on the head side of the bed, the very opposite of where she usually is. Why?

Because she had peed and made a puddle of diarrhea at the foot of the bed. Needless to say, I was very embarassed and concerned. My friend was so gracious; she left after a few minutes to let me clean up the mess. The pee had gone through the comforter cover, through the quilt and sheets, and onto the mattress pad. It didn't make it on the mattress, thank god. Poor Shelby had a messy backside, and I had to deal with all of this. Got it cleaned up pretty quickly.

Then I put in an emergency email looking for someone who could make me a set of steps for the loft so that Shelby could go up and down freely. I had to put tape on the ladder so she wouldn't go up there until I got the steps made. My friend Geoff got right on it. We designed a set of steps, I showed Shelby how to use them, and in a couple of days, she was going up and down like she was an act in the circus. My bed is clean, Shelby is getting exercise, and she also has access to the top of my closet, where there are other treats Shelby loves to devour: dust bunnies.

Stairway to Heaven, Part One

(turn your head to see pic properly)

Shelby, my beloved feline, my darling precious baby, likes to sleep in my loft bed. I was the one to introduce her to it. She never tried to climb the ladder herself, so one day when I was about to take a nap, I hoisted her 11 1/2 pound furry frame up there. She loved it. We established a routine; she'd meow, I'd put her up, she'd nap. I'd take her down. If she stayed sitting and bit my hand, that meant she wasn't ready to come down. If she stood up, she wanted to come down, so I carried her down the ladder like a firefighter.

This went on for months, until one day...I came home and Shelby didn't greet me at the door like she usually did. Lo and behold, she was up in the loft! And very happy to see me, as she had probably been up there for awhile and wanted to get down. I took her down, and later witnessed how she got up. Step by step, very slowly, and with some degree of difficulty. Imagine a slow-witted raccoon trying to climb a tree.

Going up was no problem. It was the getting down part that she didn't quite understand. There would be days when I'd come home and she'd be up there, purring and meowing for me to take her down. Friends would ask, "What if she has to go to the bathroom?" She held it till I came home.

I saw her come down once. It was not a pretty sight. She went down, head and paws first, but it was difficult, as the rungs of the ladder were too far apart for her to reach down comfortably. Also, the ladder is at a very steep angle, so she couldn't balance very well. She made it down one step, then took a deep breath, and ran/slid down the rest of the way. You could tell it took a lot of guts to do and that she wasn't anxious to do it again. She stopped coming down and waited for me.

Then I got sick, and that's the beginning of the next part of the story.

What Would You Do?

I witnessed a fistfight between two teenagers on my way to the T today. They were on the basketball court, and I couldn't tell if it was real or if they were just fooling around. There were about five other kids on the court, one of whom was egging them on. At one point, it looked like a girl got in the middle of it and started swinging. It started to look real.

And here I am, little tiny white woman (the participants were not white). Am I supposed to step in the middle of this group and get my ass kicked? Try to break it up? Should I have called the police?

As it turned out, a white woman much taller than me came over and broke it up. I guessed she was a teacher at the high school.

The incident left me unsettled. What would you have done?

A Diet That Really Works!

Are you having trouble getting rid of those last pesky few pounds? Have you tried every diet under the sun? Is exercise just too strenuous?

Have I got the diet for you!

It's called The GI Virus/Orange Juice/English Muffin Diet, and it really works! In just 5 days I lost 3 pounds! Here's all you do:

1) Find a place with an outbreak of a GI virus, such as a preschool or large family. Hang out with the group for a week to 10 days. When you start to feel just a little "not yourself", you're on your way!

2) Eat soup out of a can the first night, instead of the healthy balanced meal you had planned.

3) The second day is when the diet really takes effect. Get knocked out and lie in bed with a fever for 10 hours straight, getting out of bed only to throw up. It's easier than yoga! You'll sleep with no interruptions and sweat your fat away! Some people even get delusional and have wonderful dreams!

4) Drink whatever you want at the end of the fever period. Orange juice will taste like golden nectar. An English muffin will keep you satisfied.

5) The next 2 days are slightly unpleasant, as the little you've put in your stomach will immediately "run" out. Don't tell your thoughtful friends, who have brought you all manner of goodies. Don't let them in on the fact that you've lost your sense of smell, either. It's good to have friends!

6) You should see results on the 5th day. Unfortunately, that will be the highlight of the diet, as your appetite will come back and all the weight you lost is sure to return as well. Just record your low weight on the calendar and know that it can be done, if only for a short time.

Remember, throw that Purell away and get goin' with the GI virus!

Good Enough to Eat

I tutor Japanese people in

English conversation; I am

often served a snack during

our tutoring sessions. Check

out the aesthetic delight I

was served the other day:

Dessert provided by Trader

Joe's; presentation by Chikae.

Well done!

American Idol on the Brain

After dinner, Hiro and I went to the ice cream place. One guy behind the counter had his back to us; when he turned around, I gasped. He looked like a white Ruben Studdard from American Idol! Don't you think so???

Clean Plate Club

Hiro and I went to eat dinner at the Indian place. We were talking for about 10 minutes; I looked up and saw what his plate looked like compared to what my plate looked like. Guess he was hungry.

My Idol

I had a dream last night that I slept with Simon Cowell, the "mean" British judge on American Idol. This was after he told me I went from a size 3 last year to a size 10 this year, and I let myself go. Didn't seem to faze him, though, after I flirted a little. As we started making out, I apologized out loud to his longtime girlfriend.

We were on the top bunk of a bunkbed, and Randy Jackson, another judge, was at the foot of the bed, not paying attention to us. Right at the "moment of truth", I sat up,wanting to make sure Randy wasn't there anymore. The moment was lost, and Simon got up to do something. I did too, but went back to the bed. He came back over, Randy was nowhere to be seen, and we continued...

I'm into dream analyzation. What does this dream mean? Let's see...I love American Idol, and I think Simon is hot. Makes sense. I'm having issues with weight gain. Okay. I sleep in a loft bed, so the bunkbed makes sense. What's the deal with Randy Jackson?

Any ideas? If you have trouble leaving a comment here, send it to me via email. I'm curious!

New species

Saw this guy waiting for the train. Doesn't he look like a human turtle?

It's That Good!

Here's a quiz: You're in a mall, and you see a line of about 30 people. What are they waiting for?

a) a celebrity sighting

b) a book signing

c) white rice

The answer, at this particular time, would be c), white rice. Sarku, the Japanese place in the food court at any mall, has about 3 items on their menu, and they're known for their teriyaki chicken and white rice. You've probably sampled their little chicken pieces on a toothpick, admit it. And damn, it's good!

Today they ran out of white rice, and the next batch wouldn't be ready for 20 minutes. Those of us who didn't really care had fried rice or noodles, but some people held out, those purists.

As I was waiting for my meal, I watched as they prepared fresh chicken on the huge grill. Normally, seeing raw meat makes me feel ill at ease, but this display nearly caused me to throw up right then and there. I don't know if it came from a bucket or what, but suddenly they slopped what looked like liquified chicken all over the grill. I turned away so I could enjoy the end result.

And enjoy it I did, unlike the ungrateful woman whose boyfriend waited the 20 minutes to get her white rice, while he had noodles. My friend and I watched as she picked at her meal. I felt like yelling at her, "Ingrate! There are starving people in line who would kill to have that rice!"

But I kept my mouth shut, for once. And my tummy full. Yum.

Techno Love

TV: Oh, hi, PC! Didn't think you'd actually show.

PC: Wasn't my choice. It's trash day.

TV: So you wouldn't have...

PC: Sony, it's over. The spark just isn't there anymore.

TV: That's 'cause I'm not plugged in! Ha...get it? Not...plugged...in. Come on, P, give me another chance.

PC: I've given you too many chances already. Why don't you go find yourself a nice laptop and leave me alone?

TV: That hurts, P. That really hurts. And so does this Christmas tree up my arse. It's March, fer Chrissakes! What the hell are you doing here?

Tree: Yo, how do you think I feel? Everyone else is partying it up on the curb January 1st, and I'm left to dry out while the Mr. and Mrs. decide what to do about the condo! Who moves out? Do they sell? He's worked too hard to just walk away from this property! Sheesh. The decorations were ripped off me like I was being strip searched. I felt so...violated. And then just tossed back here to rot with hunks of plastic and wires. Uh...no offense.

TV: Whatever, dude. Here comes the trash truck. PC, hope you get past dial up someday.

PC: Don't you worry, I've got a date with Hi Def tonight.

Tree: Oh man, please let that Golden Retriever keep walking. Keeeep walking...

Lazy Sunday

Ahhh...2:30 pm. I just woke up. Now, before you get the wrong idea, I did not go to sleep last night and wake up just now. I got up at 6:30, fed the cat, and woke up again at 9:00 because the phone rang. Friend and I went out to breakfast, and there musta been somethin' in the bacon, 'cause I came back, had a cup of tea, and went right back to bed. Till just now. Nice thing about having a cat is that she sleeps whenever I do, and wakes up with me too. It's so cute.

Now listen, if you think I'm livin' the life, just stop and think about what I do. Why, yesterday I spent a grand total of 3 1/2 hours in a movie theater; the first hour and a half I was in one theater watching a Bugs Bunny film festival, and the other two hours I was in another theater watching the tirades of one Idi Amin (The Last King of Scotland). Went out to eat till 11:15 pm, and now I'm tired all day.

Seriously, I don't sit on my ass all day. Yesterday I also made greeting cards, painted and decopaged a mirror, and wrote part of my memoir. My neighbor came downstairs and wanted to know if I skiied. No. Ice skated? Not really. Sledded? Uh...I tried to be helpful. "I surf the net!" I told her. Har dee har har.

Sometimes it's good to have a lazy Sunday. Gotta go finish the paper, and get ready to sit on my ass for 3 hours tonight watching the Oscars. What a life!

Reality Check

Ah, to be childless and a teacher on the public school calendar. A week off, with nowhere to go. I have watched Ellen and Oprah every day, and Oprah on Ellen. And not Martha Stewart, though I tried. She is just not a talk show host. She's always been so stiff. Maybe she can do wonders with a styrofoam ball and a glue gun, but I need a little more human connection, you know what I mean?

So here's the thing: Every Sunday night I go to my friends' house to watch The Apprentice. For one reason or another, we haven't been able to watch the last 2 episodes, but thank god for TiVo. But now we have to catch up on The Apprentice and The Amazing Race All Stars. And The Oscars are on Sunday. And America's Next Top Model starts again next week. And American Idol is on every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And that conflicts with Survivor. What is a girl to do?

I am sooo glad I don't like dramas.

I know about five people who read my blog regularly. Four of them can totally relate to the above. One of them has gone to the bathroom and is dry heaving. You okay, Mike? Mike?

I think I'll bust out the bon bons.

A New Look

Ahh, I love Boston in the winter...
Inside My Head has a new look.
Whaddaya think?

It All Comes Back Around

This whole story starts a few days ago. My friend Hiro and I were waiting for the train. While we were waiting, I saw an older couple who looked like they were having trouble with their car. They were trying to get out of a snow pile, and it looked like they were stuck; the wheels of the car were spinning. I thought that I should go and push the car to help them out. Hiro told me to mind my own. I hemmed and hawed, until Hiro told me, "Train's coming!" I reluctantly got on the T, vowing to do a good deed to make up for not helping this poor couple.

My chance to make up for it came yesterday. See, my friend Jenn is eight months pregnant with her fourth child, and about a week ago she slipped and fell; broke her knee cap in half--yowsa!! Just got home from the hospital, and she ain't got nothin' to do but sit up in the bed. Her mother is helping her out, but I figured I'd give them both a break and have two of the kids over to my house for awhile. The kids and I had a great time, and it felt good to have done something nice for someone.

Rewind to two weeks ago. I had gotten my teeth cleaned, and the hygenist noticed a small area of decay in one tooth. She could ask the dentist to come and look at it, but it would be $35 just for him to walk in the room. She went to consult with him, and he told her to just book an appointment for a filling. He trusted her; if it turned out to be nothing, I'd be the lucky one.

Fast forward to today. I went in to have my tooth filled, hoping it would turn out to be nothing. My dentist's room was all the way in the back, down a long narrow hallway. I told the dental assistant I felt like I was on death row. I called out as I followed her, "Dead man walking!" I got a couple of strange looks.

My dentist came in and I joked about the tooth really having nothing wrong with it. Dr. Tencer (good name for a dentist, no?) laughed and said, "Keep dreaming." He looked at the tooth, and guess what? It was nothing! Just a groove, that could potentially get a cavity. He said it was his fault for not checking, and I could just leave. Who goes into a dentist's office for a procedure, and walks away not needing one?! My tooth looked good and I saved $135 by walking into a room! I thanked Dr. Tencer and told him I would not celebrate by getting a donut from across the street, even though the thought had crossed my mind. He said, "Don't get a donut."

Here's the thing: I know that I didn't need a filling because I helped Jenn, and I helped her because I didn't help those other people. Now, you may say that I didn't need a filling because I didn't need a filling. Nope, I believe that what goes around, comes around, good deeds or bad. So do something nice for someone, and when someone does something nice for you, pay it forward! You may save yourself a dental procedure.

Looking for a few nice people

Sorry the picture is sideways. I saw this sign on a Walgreen's door. All you mean cosmeticians need not apply!

Happy Anniversary to Inside My Head

I've been blogging for a year now. Wow!

On my list of greatest inventions:

* the contact lens
* the Walkman/Discman/iPod
* the internet (and email)
* the Nalgene water bottle
* the digital camera
* the laminating machine
*the blog

Negative

Whew! We got the test results. Belinda Bat did not have rabies. Which is good. But she had to die, which is not good. Poor Belinda. I've been taking a few moments here and there to remember her little bat life and her sacrifice to us. Here's to you, Belinda. May you rest in peace.

We're Going Batty!

We had an unexpected visitor at school today. Here's what happened:

'Round about 11:15 am, teacher/director Rosie and teacher/volunteer Amy are almost out of the door on their way to the park with a few kids. Teacher Beth is in the dress up area. I am "floating", going around making sure everyone's okay. Teacher Sue and kid Joseph are alone in the block room. So they think.

Joseph says to Sue, "Hey, look Sue, I see a bat!" Sue calmly tells me. Sue and I calmly tell Rosie to go ahead to the park, we will take care of this. I run to get my camera and snap a shot of a small brown bat on the inside of the window before calling animal control.

I call animal control, who calls the town police. Sue blocks the door to the block room so no one can come in, and, ahem, no one can come out. I go around and alert the grownups (in a whisper) to what's going on. I say to a parent helper who happens to be a doctor, "There is a

W-I-N-G-E-D R-O-D-E-N-T in the block room." She says, "Huh?" I say, "B-A-T." She advises me to wait for animal control and not go in there.

Two town police officers arrive and inform me that I have to call a private company to come and remove the bat and test it for rabies. They instruct me to not let anyone go in there, especially curious children. I say to them, "Hear that parent singing La Cucuracha? That's to make sure no one goes in there." One officer says, "I know nothing about child control." I tell him not to worry, we've got that part covered. By now the children have heard about the visitor in the block room, and I go around showing the picture of the bat to the children. I thank God for digital cameras.

The officers leave, Rosie and Amy return from the park, and Critter Control arrives and removes the bat. They put it in a plastic Glad lunch container. I make a mental note to never use a Glad container again. The bat is the cutest little thing, about the size of a cell phone. It also sounded like a cell phone when they removed it from the window, poor little thing. Unfortunately, it will have to be euthanized in order to be tested.

We are currently awaiting test results, which we are positive will be negative. In the meantime, I shamelessly gave Critter Control my blog address after remarking that I couldn't wait to blog about this adventure. Are you reading, Critter Control? Thanks for your help, and long live Stellaluna!

Recipe for Heaven

Here's a recipe I just made up:

Go to Dunkin' Donuts.

Get a chocolate frosted donut.

Put it in the microwave for 10 seconds.

Eat donut with a glass of milk.

Pure Heaven.

Meet the Neighbors!

Everyone knows I'm into pop culture and have a subscription to People magazine; I'm up on what all the celebs are doing. Recently, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and their children moved to New Orleans. My dear friend Emily, who also lives in New Orleans, thought it would be funny to play a trick on me.

She got her 5 year old daughter Ramona to call me up. "Alex, Alex, I have a new friend! I had a playdate with a boy. His name is Maddox!" Of course, I got all hyped up. "What is his name, Ramona?" "Maddox! Maddox!" Ramona gleefully cried. She was laughing, and I thought she was so happy to have this new friend. Oh my god! I totally fell for it.

Ha, ha. Emily got on the phone and broke the news that I had been played. She had worked with Ramona for 20 minutes on what to say.

Good one, guys. Say hi to Brangelina for me.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, in Any Language

I tutor Japanese kids and adults in English. The other day I was talking to one of my 10 year old students, a boy who has a great sense of humor. I would ask him a question, and he would respond, in Japanese, to his sister. After a few times, I asked him why he kept answering his sister, when I was the one asking the questions. He replied that he was tired. He said, "School."

I felt so sorry for him. I said sympathetically, "Oh, I know. It's so hard, everyone speaking English all the time. English, English, English! I understand why you're tired."

He replied in English, looking at me this time. "No. Gym. Yoga." Then he said in Japanese that his back hurt. I laughed so hard I almost fell off the couch.

I will never get tired of having conversations with children. It keeps me young.

Brrr...

On January 6th it was 69 degrees. 20 days later, it's 17 below with the wind chill factor.

Tights? check.
Long johns? check.
Jeans? check.
Tee shirt, double layer L.L. Bean shirt, sweater? check.
Down jacket? check.
Snowpants? check.
Hat, scarf, mittens? check.
Boots? check.

I'm headin' out. Wish me luck.

Visitors, beware

Visitors to Boston, take note. Our subway "T"
system has new pricing. Want to find out what
to pay? Simple. Just look at the attached photo
and find your situation. Do you want a Charlie
Card or a Charlie Ticket? Go by bus, bus to bus, subway to bus, or just subway? Are you a
senior? A student? Do you want a pass? For just today or a week?

I have to ask, because, you see, all the answers
are different. Prices range from free to $59.00, depending on how old you are and who you know in town hall.

I'm disgusted.

You Saw a What???

The other day I saw a robin; you know, the bird that announces the arrival of spring? I saw him on January 20th. We had a short conversation, and then sort of got into a tiff:

Me: Hey, what are you doing here?

Robin (he had an accent like a New York cab driver): Yo, I was flying south for the winter, like I do every year, but I stopped here 'cause it was so nice. It was 69 degrees on January 6th, fer crissakes! And now? It's gotta be down to 25. What the fuck? It's 55 one day and 35 the next. I got my one leg tucked in to keep me warm, puffed myself up, and I'm still cold as hell! This El Nino guy's got us all confused.

Me: Tell me about it. This global warming crap is for the...

Robin: Yeah, for the birds, right. Like I haven't heard that one a few thousand times.

Me: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you keep flying? And while you're at it, lay off the bread crumbs.

Robin: And why don't you keep walking, lady. And get that camera out of my face.

Who knew that little springtime birds could have such attitude?

I Feel a Draft...

It's 25 degrees outside, feels like 14. When I walked in my place just now from the outside, I noticed it seemed rather chilly.

And then I noticed that my storm windows have been up the entire fall and winter season thus far. Oh my god, how much of an idiot do I feel like right now??? Sure, I can fix the toilet by myself, but can I put down a storm window when it starts to get cold?

Okay, enough beating myself up. I'm going to have some tea. And have my bathrobe on until it gets warm in here.

2 Thumbs Up!

This has been the weekend for movies. Saw 3 of them, and they were all great, and all very different. I recommend:

* Night at the Museum
Funny, good pace, not too heavy handed with the messages. Very entertaining. Excellent animation.

* Dreamgirls

A fantastic musical. Jennifer Hudson, almost American Idol, kicked it! Her singing was so powerful in one song I cried, and led the audience into a round of applause.

* Notes on a Scandal

One word for Dame Judi Dench: Creeeepy! You'll want to speak in a British accent and be wary of older ladies seeking "company" for tea.

Fluffer-nutter

I got this new vacuum sweeper gadget that runs on a battery. After using it only a few times, it stopped working. Cheap piece of crap, I thought, until I turned it over and looked at the roller. This is what it looked like (see above).

The culprit? She's so

embarassed.

Travel Tips

Here's what I learned during my recent travels:

* a medium sized L.L. Bean duffel does fit in the overhead compartment.

* so does a big ass garment bag

* a quart sized Ziplock is the kind you put sandwiches in. That's the kind you have to use, not the bigger one.

* saline solution (salt water) is considered medicine

* Chapstick is considered a liquid

* Dansko clogs and no belt is the way to go for faster security checks

* never check your bags. You can buy stuff when you get there.

THE END IS NEAR

Today it was 69 degrees in Boston.

It is January 6th.

We're in the middle of an earth shift.

I feel like a dinosaur.

Alex "Roto Rooter" Campbell

We interrupt our vacation stories to let you know that Alex is on her way to becoming a full-fledged plumber. She uclogs drains like nobody's business, and tonight she has fixed her toilet all by herself, without calling the landlord! Here, in her own words, is Alex:

So the flusher on my toilet was acting funny ever since I got home from CA. In fact, when I first looked at the toilet after coming home, I thought the flusher had been replaced because it looked different. In fact, it had just been twisted around so it was upside down. Figured that out, problem number one solved.

Then it started twisting every time the toilet was flushed, and then tonight, it just spun around and the water didn't go down. I thought about how I'd have to call my landlord, whose wife just gave birth last week, and how I didn't want to bother him, and how he'd have to call a plumber.

I decided to take matters into my own hands, and I took off the top of the tank. I noticed the chain that goes to the suction thing, then I looked to the left, and I saw this plastic nut that screwed onto a...well, a plastic screw. It was pretty loose. I tightened the nut, and lo and behold, the flusher was fixed!

I am very proud of myself. I think I'll go pee.

You've Heard of Stone Soup? How 'Bout Stone Outfit?

Next morning, no bag. Time to throw something together. Rekha has some things that would fit me. She gives me several options. My first concern is warmth; that's how you know I'm not in my twenties anymore. I don't even care how the outfit is put together. I reject this sleeveless blouse, and that sleeveless dress, and opt for a black clingy skirt that sways, a black turtleneck sweater, and black cotton tights. This will be paired with the shoes I have on, which are red Dansko clogs. To add a splash of color, I will wear the cardigan I have on, which is green. How Christmas-y! I find a multicolored scarf that has gold woven into it for dramatic flair.

As we are getting into the car to drive to the wedding, my phone rings. "Yes, this is American Airlines courier service. We'd like to verify an address for delivery." I tell the man on the phone to shove my garment bag up his ass. Not really, just in my head. What I really say is, "Actually, it's too late, because what I needed in the bag I no longer need. Please take my bag back to the airport, 'cause I'm leaving tomorrow anyway." He says he will.

At the wedding, I am very self conscious, a feeling I am not used to. The tights have never been worn and are slightly big, so the heel rides up on my legs a little. From my head down to my torso I feel like a librarian. Then a flamenco dancer at the waist, and then an old lady at the legs and feet. For once, I do not want my picture taken.

Everyone is so nice at the wedding. Several people say to me, "Oh, they found your luggage!" It makes me feel a little better. And lo and behold, I am warm. It is a beautiful wedding, a meaningful ceremony, good food, and lots of interesting people. A fun time is had by all.

As we're cleaning up, I check my phone for messages. I've received three, from the American Airlines courier service, requesting address verification for delivery of my luggage. I pull a hissy fit and call AA twice to verify that my luggage will be at the airport tomorrow, not in some van. A nice lady assures me that all is taken care of.

And the next morning, I find that it is. I get my bag and get back on a plane. This time I do not check it. I will never check a bag again. Never did before this. I've learned my lesson.

No Dress, But Someone Famous!

So I wait for awhile, and really, my bag is not there, so I go to the office, where there is a huge line of people. Guess this happens fairly regularly, just like I've read about.

They take my info and tell me that most likely, the bag will be delivered to where I'm staying that night, or the next morning. The next morning, of course, I have a wedding to go to, so it better be there the next morning!

Meanwhile, the groom's father, who I have never met, has been waiting for me for at least 30 minutes. What a first impression to make, even though it wasn't my fault. We finally get in the car and head to the Chinese restaurant where my friend Rekha is, along with her family, her fiance, his family, and guests from out of town. I say hi and tell my story, threatening to wear jeans to the wedding. It's all I have.

My story is overshadowed by a celebrity sighting at the restaurant! Rekha tells me in a stage whisper that Robin Williams is at the table across the room, and indeed he is, along with his wife/former nanny, and their children. Wow!! We sneak glances throughout the dinner. Rekha's mom whispers to me, "Is he drinking red wine? I thought he just got out of rehab?" We determine together that it's a Coke, not red wine. No drama.

No one wants to disturb him while he's eating. You'd almost never know they were there. At the end of their meal, as they're leaving the restaurant, a teenager asks for his autograph and whips out the digital camera. Mr. Williams is very nice about the request, very quiet, and sneaks away quickly afterwards.

The night passes without a call from the airline courier.

Ode to an Outfit

My good friend Rekha was getting married two days after Christmas in San Francisco. What does one wear to a San Francisco wedding in late December? It would be outside, in the afternoon. I worried about the cold. Should I wear my standard winter formal dress, the one I've had for five years that is shapeless? No way, time to say out with the old, ring in the new!

I ordered a cute grey dress that my friend described this way: "It's great, if you like the 50's housewife look." Turns out I love that look! Sleeveless, fitted at the waist, poofed out a little at the hips. The thing was, I was still worried about the cold. I thought about wearing a sweater, borrowing a wrap, until...I was at the Gap one night and saw the most amazing article of clothing, perfect for my outfit.

It looked like one of those grey mink stoles one's grandmother wore in the 40's, 'cept it was 100% acrylic. It sort of had sleeves, and went to the waist. Lined with silver satin. Marked way down. It was a little over the top, but together with my dress, it was definitely a look. With some heels and a pen to sign autographs, I would be a knockout. And I'd be very warm. Perfect. Tilt your head to see the pic; I couldn't get it to rotate. Sorry.

Fast forward to the day before the wedding. I packed the outfit in a garment bag borrowed from my cousin and checked it at the airport, thinking a garment bag was too big to carry on. I got from LA to SF no problem. My bag did not. To be continued...

Fly the Friendly Skies...again, and again, and again

I'm on vacation in California. For a week. By the time I go home, I will have been on 8 airplanes. Eight. I have never done such a thing in all of my life. Thing is, my cousin and his wife, who I'm staying with, live near Santa Barbara. So I'm here. But then my friend Rekha got married in San Francisco. So I flew there. I changed planes a lot. My vacation looks like this:

Dec. 23: Boston to LA, change planes. LA to Santa Barbara. (2 planes)
Dec. 26: Santa Barbara to LA, change planes. LA to SF. (2 planes)
Dec. 28: SF to LA, change planes. LA to SB. (2 planes)
Dec. 30: SB to LA, change planes. LA to Boston (2 planes)

The great thing is that I seem to have gotten over my anxiety around flying. I didn't have to go to my "special place" in my head once. I did still locate the exit nearest me, though, in the event of an emergency. Gotta have something.

Annoying Airlines

Hello from Sunny California! Usually I have a lot of tales from my travels, but I had a pretty uneventful flight to CA, so for now there's just one tale to tell: that of the annoying voice of a flight attendant.

She was wearing the standard navy blue uniform, with bright red lipstick and curly black hair done up in a poodle-like poof on top of her head. She went up and down the aisle with one line, "Would you like to buy a snack?" Apparently, gone are the days of meals and bags of Chex Mix; you now have to spend $5 on a stale bagel. I refused.

Thing was, she didn't just ask if anyone wanted to buy a snack. She sort of shrieked it. It sounded like one word, getting louder and more high pitched at the end: "Wouldyouliketobuyasnack???" She sounded like Minnie Mouse on helium, or like a gun was being put to her head and she was told to utter the phrase into the phone so the ransom money would be sent.

By the time she got to the back of the plane, all you could hear was the cry at the end: "Buh bah duh bah eeeee?" I was this close to saying, "Would you like to lower your voice an octave???" I held my tongue, for once. By the time we landed, I was starving. That's a story for the next entry.

Celebrity Sighting sounds inappropriate

I saw kidnapped journalist Jill Carroll in the Sharper Image store tonight in the Copley Square Mall. I'm sure it was her; she had that bright red hair she got right after she returned home. I thought about going up to her, but what would I say? "Glad you're home safely"? By the time I had mustered up the courage, she was gone. It was pretty surreal.

Miscommunication

So at school on Friday it was Owen's first day to stay for Lunch Program, the extended part of our day. His mom (and my good friend) Liz told me in the morning that she would call around 1:00 to check in on him. I told her, "Just call my cell phone; I'll have it right with me wherever I am, so we won't miss the call."

'Round about 11:30, a bunch of us are at the playground, and Yumi's little brother, 18 month old Koh, falls off a climbing structure and cuts his head. His mother Miho was right there, but of course she was worried; the cut was deep, bleeding, and Koh was screaming. We happened to have a mom who is a doctor working that day, and she looked at it and told us to go to the ER.

So Miho, Koh, and I hop into a cab and zip off to Children's Hospital. The family is from Japan; they had never been to an American ER. I was there for moral support and to help with translating (or talking slowly) if needed. Poor Miho; her husband was in Japan.

So by the time we were all checked out and waiting for the three stitches that would need to be put in, Koh had been crying hysterically for an hour nonstop. He could be the next Pavarotti. He cried so hard he was exhausted and fell asleep. And at this point my phone rang.

It was Liz. She said, "How is he?" And I looked at Koh and said, "Well, he's fine now, but man, he was screaming for an hour, poor thing. He needs three stitches." And Liz said in a very high tone, "What??" And I suddenly realized what I had done, and backtracked, yelling, "Not Owen, not Owen! Oh my god, here was Liz, just calling to check on Owen like I told her to, but all I could think about at that point was Koh...I filled Liz in, and she just said, weakly, and still in a high-pitched tone, "Well, okay, I'll just call the Co-op now and check on Owen..." I felt like such a jerk.

So then I was all hyped up on my big goof up and we had to put Koh in a papoose to swaddle him so the doctor could put the stitches in. Not a fun thing to participate in. I felt like an alligator wrestler; that kid is strong! I started to cry but had to stop and hold it together for Miho. When it was all over and Koh was laughing with a popsicle and 3 stitches, Miho and I both cried. Whew.

Come to find out today that Liz had been so sleep deprived from just having her third child 8 weeks ago that when I started talking about "him", she thought I meant her baby, who was with a friend at the time, and I was talking about Koh, and man, when that adrenaline gets pumping in your body, all kinds of miscommunication can happen! What's the moral of this story? Get more sleep? Don't answer your cell phone when you're in the ER? Not possible on either count, so let's just say we can laugh about it now, but we sure weren't laughing then.

Soft as a Baby's Bottom

I have a cashmere sweater. That's right, I'm high society, I'm rich, I live a glamorous life.

Not really. My cashmere is not from a high end catalog or store. It didn't cost $300. Mine is the store brand of Macy's, Charter Club. It probably cost about $30. Still, I feel a sense of luxury just knowing that I actually own a cashmere sweater. That is, I did until the other day.

All of my hand washables had been sitting in my closet for the past year because I hate to hand wash. I finally cleaned out my closet and was reunited with my beautiful red cashmere sweater. I carefully hand washed it in cold water with Woolite, and laid it out to dry. When it was dry, I caressed it, folded it carefully, and noticed the label.

It said, "100% cashmere, 2 ply." Leave it to me to find cashmere that sounds like toilet paper.

Seriusly

Dear Readers:
The following is a description of an actual event. The thoughts inside my head (some would say overactive imagination) are italicized.

I have had so many run-ins with serial killers, it's a wonder I'm still alive. My quick wits and agile mind have saved me from being bound and gagged, stabbed and stuffed in the trunk of a car.

It happened today. I was in an apartment building, waiting to be buzzed in. An older man had just gone in, and he held the door for me, smiling in an older gentlemanly way. Only I knew he was no grandpa; he lured young ladies into his building on many occasions. I told him I wanted the people I was visiting to know I was arriving, so I buzzed anyway but held the door open with my foot.

He waited for me at the elevator, feigning politeness by allowing me to enter the elevator first. I went in, prepared. I cased the elevator for the emergency button, and had my hand on my cell phone in case I needed it to poke him in the eye. I pressed the floor I needed, and he laughed; he was going to the same floor. Coincidence, or trap?

I tensed my muscles and waited to defend myself against this sleazy wrinkled killer. I would elbow him in the stomach and simultanously step on his foot when he grabbed me around the neck. There wasn't enough room to flip him, but amazing things happen when one is under diress.

Luckily for him, when the elevator stopped at "our" floor, he let me go first, and then turned and went in the other direction. Turns out I had saved him from certain death, or at least a nasty and deserved ass-whupping.

Smells like Perfumed Spirit

Today I was sitting at the art table with my co-worker Amy and a few kids, and suddenly I smelled perfume. It smelled just like Poison, that perfume in the purple bottle that was so popular years ago. As I was making a face and inhaling, Amy looked at me, and I said, "Do you smell that?" She did.

This was unusual, because people at my school just don't wear perfume. I looked around; no woman to be seen. We kept smelling it, over here, not over there. I came to the conclusion that there must be a ghost among us. A very nice smelling ghost. I knew it was a ghost, because this same thing had happened to me before. Soon after my mother died (may she rest in peace), I smelled her perfume in my apartment hallway. I knew it was her.

But there at the art table, that was not my mother. It was some other spirit. I spoke to her, and asked her to give us a sign. I put some paper and a marker on the table and asked her to let us know who she was. The kids were blissfully unaware of all of this, except to answer in the affirmative when I asked them if they smelled perfume. It was driving me crazy. Finally, I went upstairs to the church office to see if Mary, the office manager, was wearing perfume and had come downstairs without being seen.

I went into the office and didn't smell anything. I asked Mary if she was wearing perfume, and she said no. Then I saw a can of aerosol spray on her desk. She told me that a homeless woman had come in to get some food, and she smelled pretty bad, so the guy who cleans the church sprayed air freshener around. I sprayed the air with a shot of it, and there she was, the perfumed spirit who had made her way all the way downstairs to the nursery school. Boy, was I disappointed.

I went down and told Amy that we didn't have a ghost, only the lingering scent from a can of aerosol, used to cover up the scent of someone real. She was disappointed too. She suggested that we pretend that it was a ghost anyway, and that's what we played for the rest of the afternoon. With the kids.

I Never Thought About It...

Just now I saw a blind man with his seeing eye dog. The dog was pooping. Now there's something I had never thought about...how does a blind person pick up after his dog? I didn't stick around to find out.