A Lesson for the Teacher

I made a 14 year old girl cry today.

I have two students who I've been teaching for about a year and a half, since they first arrived from Japan. They're a brother, (I'll call him I), 11 years old, and a sister, (I'll call her Y), 14 years old. It's been so exciting to see them go from not speaking any English at all to having philosophical discussions. Not only do I go to their house every week, but they've been to my house, and I've taken them and a bunch of my Japanese students to the movies. We have a lot of fun.

Last week, Y was upstairs studying hard, so she couldn't come down and have a lesson. At the end of the hour, I shouted goodbye to her up the stairs, and her mom went up to see if she would come down and say goodbye. Turned out she was too busy, and didn't come downstairs.

Today after I said hello, I playfully admonished Y for not saying hello or goodbye to me last week. I did a Japanese comedy move, which involves bopping one lightly on the head, combined with an English sentence: "Hey, you didn't say goodbye to me last week!" I then gave the item to the mom, told her what I had done, and she laughed.

Well, the kids and I began talking, and I noticed that Y looked a little upset. I asked her if she was okay, and she said, "Why did you want me to say goodbye to you? You're only a teacher!" Well, that cut me to the core, "only a teacher..." because to me, yes, I'm a teacher, but also a friend, someone kids can talk to and hang out with. I don't go for that authority figure stuff. Respect, yes, but I also respect the kids I work with, so it's a two-way street. I knew what she meant, though. To her, as in Japan, I am a teacher, an authority figure, not someone like a friend whom you say hi and bye to. She might have also felt bad because she thought she really had hurt my feelings for not saying goodbye.

She started to look really upset, and I said I was sorry for hitting her on the head and saying that, and she ran out of the room crying to her mom. Oh my god, did I feel like a jerk. I told her mom it was a joke, and she said she knew. Her brother knew it was a joke, and he didn't understand why she got so upset.

Well, I felt really bad for a long time, and I talked to her mom about it. Her mom told me that Y felt bad for crying, and she knew it was a joke, and she knew it was a little cultural difference. She said that Y was just a sensitive person, that was all. She would get over it. And she did, a few minutes later, when I went over with a card game. We played two rounds, and at the end I asked her if she would accept my apology. She said yes.

I apologized profusely to her mom, and she said that she was worried about me! She even emailed to see if I was okay. Well, I tell you what. I will sure be more careful next time! I realize that it wasn't totally my fault, but it sure feels awful to make someone cry. I will work on self-editing and being more sensitive. Whew. Sometimes it's really tough to be a teacher.