Ewww!!!

I just ran into a child molester/serial killer at the laundrymat. It's not yet 10 am on a weekday, perfectly acceptable time for an elderly man to do his laundry, right? No one else was in the place, and he was sitting in the plastic three-in-a-row chair, holding a plastic bag with a loaf of white bread in it. I walked over to the change machine and took a quick glance at the washers and dryers. Not one was being used. I went to my favorite washers, which happened to be right in front of where he was sitting. Forget settling down and reading my book. I was outta there.

So what does a child molester/serial killer look like, you ask? Why did I run out of the laundrymat? White man, probably in his 70's, wrinkled, a little hunched over, white hair, white stubble on his face. Sweatpants, plaid shirt, old vest, ski hat, glasses. "That sounds like my grandpa!" you say. Maybe, but the thing that sets him apart from your grandpa is the vibe this guy was giving off. Creeeeeeepy vibe. In a laundrymat with a bag of stuff and no laundry. Didn't say a word to me, just stared straight ahead. Kind of guy neighbors would later say, "Kept to himself, didn't say much." Just decorated his house with the skins of his victims. I know these types. I read true crime with black and white photos.

I went over some karate moves in my head in case I needed to defend myself, made sure I could get to the door quickly if I had to.

I have to go back in 24 minutes. I don't want to. But my "I'm onto you" vibe will conquer his "Young lady, could you help an old man out?" vibe. I'll spear him with my rolled up copy of People magazine, which has Britney Spears on the cover. Spear him with Spears! How appropriate. Rip off the address label so he can't follow me home. Wish me luck.