Mascara Mayhem

It's been a week since my birthday bash and I'm just now catching up on my sleep. I took a nap when I got home from work yesterday and I took a nap today. I have so much to do: write thank you notes, blog, continue cleaning the place...

I'll start with my eyes.

I had my hair done, dress on, lipstick done...all I had to do was the mascara. Oy, the mascara. I hadn't put mascara on my eyelashes in probably 20 years. I stood in CVS looking at all the different types; who knew there were hundreds to choose from? I could go for the standard pink and green package that had remained the same for decades. I tried to remember the catch phrases from recent commercials: what did they say about "easy, breezy, Covergirl"? Should I get lengthening, volumizing, strengthening (???). What color? Very black, brown, violet???

I decided to get the one with the rubberized lash brush, because I had seen on TV somewhere that women got clumpy eyelashes not because of the formula, but because of the brush. After debating back and forth on how stupid it seemed to get one, I also got an eyelash curler. I have never worn mascara without curling my eyelashes first. It sounds soooo ridiculous, but I did it.

I was in a rush to get ready. I carefully curled my lashes, then took out the mascara. I put the brush to my eyelash, and...

(insert sound of scratching record needle here)

the fucking brush was so rubbery that it bent and I mascara-ed by face and hand! Nice work, birthday girl. I had to be really really careful with my application, something they don't tell you on TV. As a result, I didn't put on as much mascara as I could have, but it definitely made a difference. Like heels, mascara is a stupid invention, but looks good on. I also listened to my friend Patricia, who told me to get foundation. I powdered my face a little. Okay, it looked good. Damn it!

As I was applying the greasy eye makeup remover that night, I wondered how women wore makeup every single day. NO THANK YOU! But I might bust out the mascara and red lipstick next time I go out to dinner.