Firefighter in Training

The other day at school it was handwashing time. I took the kids to the bathroom that has one toilet and lined them up against the wall to wait their turns. As one kid was washing his hands, Joe (his name has been changed to protect his young and innocent identity) burst into the bathroom and shouted, "I have to pee, I have to pee!" I knew that he was new to using the toilet, so I helped him undo his pants as quickly as I could and set him on the toilet because he didn't want to stand.

Once he was seated, his cries changed to, "Hold my penis down, hold my penis down!" Say what???"Oh god, this is what his mother does for him", I thought. Because of my professional training and certain items in the news in recent years, my first inclination was not to hold his little penis down, no matter how badly he had to go.

While I was trying to figure out what to do, I turned my head for one second, and that's when a golden arch set forth from little Joe's private part. It looked like a rainbow. He sprayed the children who were standing in line, hitting little Keiko full-on in the process. She had it all over her pants and on part of her shirt. I must say, the kids handled it very well. Their attitude was, "Silly Joe!" Thank goodness.

All of the adults in the school rushed to my aid. It was hard for me to help the children because I was laughing so hard. Oh man, of all the things I have experienced in my career as a preschool teacher, this topped them all. But wait, there's more.

Keiko, her pants soaking wet from Joe's pee, refused to change her clothes. I called her mom to see if Keiko would change if her mother came, but it turned out that she had already spoken to Keiko while I was in the bathroom and she still didn't want to change. What could we do? She ate snack, and afterwards came over to me, saying, "See, Alex. It's all dry!" Oh god, oh god. Well, I rationalized, at least pee is sterile. She changed when her mom picked her up an hour later.

For Joe's mother's homework, I told her to put Joe in the bathroom with his older brother and father and have them teach him a thing or two.