Earworm

You know that Gary Numan song, "Cars", from 1980? Well, I hadn't heard it in years, but it was on this CD a friend had lent me, and I remembered what a cool song it was. Very catchy. So I was psyched and had been thinking about it for a couple of days.

So then last night I was waiting to get the next part of my tattoo done, and "Cars" comes on, but this really different and cool version. Oh man, it was off the hook! So I asked to hear it again, and it was great the second time around too.

And last night as I went to sleep I got an earworm--when a song plays over and over in your head and you can't make it stop. "Cars" kept playing as I was going to sleep, and then every time I woke up and turned over, there it was.

Is it possible to get an earworm from reading a blog? Are you, dear readers, singing, "Here in my car, I feel safest of all, I can lock all my doors, it's the only way to live, in CARS!"

Firefighter in Training

The other day at school it was handwashing time. I took the kids to the bathroom that has one toilet and lined them up against the wall to wait their turns. As one kid was washing his hands, Joe (his name has been changed to protect his young and innocent identity) burst into the bathroom and shouted, "I have to pee, I have to pee!" I knew that he was new to using the toilet, so I helped him undo his pants as quickly as I could and set him on the toilet because he didn't want to stand.

Once he was seated, his cries changed to, "Hold my penis down, hold my penis down!" Say what???"Oh god, this is what his mother does for him", I thought. Because of my professional training and certain items in the news in recent years, my first inclination was not to hold his little penis down, no matter how badly he had to go.

While I was trying to figure out what to do, I turned my head for one second, and that's when a golden arch set forth from little Joe's private part. It looked like a rainbow. He sprayed the children who were standing in line, hitting little Keiko full-on in the process. She had it all over her pants and on part of her shirt. I must say, the kids handled it very well. Their attitude was, "Silly Joe!" Thank goodness.

All of the adults in the school rushed to my aid. It was hard for me to help the children because I was laughing so hard. Oh man, of all the things I have experienced in my career as a preschool teacher, this topped them all. But wait, there's more.

Keiko, her pants soaking wet from Joe's pee, refused to change her clothes. I called her mom to see if Keiko would change if her mother came, but it turned out that she had already spoken to Keiko while I was in the bathroom and she still didn't want to change. What could we do? She ate snack, and afterwards came over to me, saying, "See, Alex. It's all dry!" Oh god, oh god. Well, I rationalized, at least pee is sterile. She changed when her mom picked her up an hour later.

For Joe's mother's homework, I told her to put Joe in the bathroom with his older brother and father and have them teach him a thing or two.

Route 66

This evening's bus ride on the 66 was like a dark comedy. The lights were very bright, which highlighted the looks of despair that appeared on the faces of many of the passengers. It smelled like sweat and garbage.

At one point a large older woman came on and berated the bus driver. She said in a thick Russian accent, "Shame on you! One and half hours I wait for the bus. This is worst line ever!" The bus erupted in applause, and someone shouted, "Give that woman a seat!" and he moved his things over. I felt like I was in New York City. Reminded me of home.

Upchuck

My adorable cat, Shelby, just threw up. At first I thought it was going to be a hairball. I got a paper towel while her body heaved, ready to clean up a hairy mess. It wasn't, though. Turned out to be her food she had eaten a couple of minutes before. She sniffed and licked it and I went into the kitchen to get another paper towel. I got distracted by something, and when I came back, the regurgitation was gone.

Eww, gross, disgusting, I might vomit myself!!!!

I guess she believes in saving a tree.

Off Kilter

This morning I put my tea bag and hot water in my cereal bowl. I don't feel stressed, just a little off.




And then on the news this morning, they said there was an outbreak of e coli in bagged spinach. Guess what I bought last night so I could be healthy?

Teacher's Mistake

I was so proud of myself this year, having gotten everything ready for school by the time the first day came. Cups on the cup rack, parent mailboxes labeled, cubbies assigned. Turns out I messed up. Big time.

Gigi, here for her 3rd and last year of preschool, looked for her new cubby spot and couldn't find it. Her dad looked too, no sign. Oh man, how could I have missed giving Gigi a cubby? I thought I had gone through every name, but apparently I hadn't. I felt so bad; I am lowlife teacher scum. I promised Gigi that I would make her a cubby after school. I tried not to let it ruin my day.

Gigi was fine in the morning, till right after snack. After our dance activity she came and sat on my lap and said, "Alex, I do wish I had a cubby." Oh my god, the knife goes right through the heart and twists and turns as she looks at me with puppy dog eyes. I promised her again I'd make her one and said to her weakly, "Well, you still have your art cubby, see?" She knew it wasn't the same.

After school I corrected my mistake and realized that Gigi had cubby options. I called her up and asked if she would like to have her own cubby or share with a girl or a boy. She wanted to share with a girl, so that's what she got. I would have built her one, had it come to that. Oh well, no one's perfect. Even teachers.

Yeah, right. Try feeling that way when thirty 3 and 4 year olds depend on you and put you on a pedestal. In any case, I righted the wrong and Gigi was happy at the end of the day. And now I can sleep tonight.

Today

Today was a busy and fun day. First my co-worker and I did home visits. The teachers at my school visit each child's home for about 1/2 hour. We talk to the parents, see the kids and all their toys, visit cool houses and gather decorating ideas, and many times have a yummy snack. Our first stop today was the home of twins, a boy and a girl. They became friendly very fast. The boy wanted me to play The Incredibles with him, which I happily did, until he told me to kill him. I told him that's where I drew the line, and said I would put him to sleep instead. I blew on him, and he fell down. We were both satisfied.

At the end of the day I went to get a pedicure. This old lady sat in the chair next to me, and complimented me on my fish tattoo. She said she wouldn't be able to get one, on account of the poor circulation in her legs. She had a bit of poor circulation in her head, I imagined, but she was friendly enough. She asked the Vietnamese woman doing her toes, "You speaka English? Chinese?" The woman just smiled at her.

We were seated together to dry our toes, and she noticed the ring on my finger. She asked if I was married, and I said no. "You have a ring", she said. I said that yes, I did have a ring, but I wasn't married. She said, "You have a girlfriend?" I said no. She said, "I'm learning." She was learning how to be modern, talking about tattoos and gayness, and good for her. In her pale aqua velour running suit, she complained of being too hot and needing a cup of water, but no one could understand her. I arranged for her to get one. She mouthed, "Thank you" as I walked out the door.

On the way home I ran into the twins from the home visit. They asked what I was doing, so I showed them my pink glitter pedicure and said that I was going to the Farmer's Market and Starbucks. I did not explain that that was an oxymoron. As we were parting ways, we shouted our goodbyes:

Me: Goodbyyyyyye!
Them: Goodbyyyye!
Me: See you at schooool!
Them: Okaaaaaay!
Boy: I'll miss youuuuuuu!"
Me: Me tooooo, byyyyye!

After checking out the farmer's market and scanning around to see if there was anyone I knew (one former student who started 3rd grade today), I went to Starbucks. I got to play Clothing Adjuster (see previous posts) by informing a woman her dress wasn't pulled down all the way after coming out of the bathroom. Sometimes you just gotta let a girl know. She was very appreciative.

Now I'm home and I get to check my new pedometer. I got one because I was curious to see how many steps I walked in a day. You're supposed to walk 10,000. I'm doing more walking tonight, but so far my count is...16, 233. Okay, I think I'm good. It'll be interesting to see how many steps a day I average. Today I did more walking than usual.

And lots of writing. Hope you had a good day, byyyyyyye!!!

The Scent of a Woman

Yesterday I cleaned my bathroom with bleach bathroom cleaner. Bleach kills germs, makes white sinks and toilets stay white, and disinfects, right? In a windowless bathroom, it also stinks it up and makes one lightheaded. I had opened the window, but it didn't knock out the smell totally. I worried about Shelby, who didn't seem to notice any odor (or maybe she wasn't asleep on the couch, but passed out from the fumes). I cleaned up again with a non-bleach cleaner and then took a shower to dilute any leftover bleach.

All day I could feel the bleach clinging to my every pore. I ran the fan all night in hopes of diffusing the smell, but I swear I encountered its presence even when I woke up. I tried to shrug it off and had breakfast with friends at a local greasy spoon.

It worked. Now my pores are dripping with the smell of grease.