Flying off the Handle, Part One

I went to DC from Boston last weekend. Got a cheap flight, which meant I'd have to change planes. No problem. Or so I thought.

The very first thing that went wrong on this trip happened even before I checked in. I looked on my email itinerary and it said United Airlines flight 2667. Operated by US Airways. What the heck does that mean? Do I go to United or US Airways? Two different terminals. Well, the logo and first airline mentioned was United, so I got off at United.

Got to the do-it-yourself check-in, and they wouldn't take my card. I looked again at my itinerary, and there, to the right, it said, "Please check in at US Airways ticket counter." This is why you should get to the airport early. So I went and asked where the US Airways terminal was, and the guy showed me the walkway. I walked to the terminal, checked in, and went to the gate.

At the scanner gate, we all removed our shoes and belts and put our stuff in those grey plastic bins. I was very proud of myself for making it so I wouldn't have to dump loose change, keys, and my cell phone in like everyone else. Nice and concise, my things. Two bags, coat, shoes, belt. All I had on was my jeans, sweater, and scarf.

Went through the scanner doorway, showed the guy my ticket, and proceeded to walk towards my bags. The ticket guy stopped me and said, "Trying to sneak past me, huh?" and then he showed me that if a ticket has an "S" on it, you have been selected to be searched. He showed me the "S" on my ticket. I said nothing, as I know that these days it is not okay to joke about what a preschool teacher could be armed with.

Having been searched two or three times before, I knew the drill. Stand on the mat with the feet imprinted on it, raise your arms. I did as asked, and the woman searching me told me she was just going to check in and around my scarf. She said, "Next time, just take the scarf off, okay?" Again, no jokes. All I could think of was a headline: Mild-mannered preschool teacher hides weapons in polar fleece scarf (scarf lovingly crafted by preschool parent)

Got through, got dressed, and got to the gate with time to spare. Uneventful ride. Got off at NYC's LaGuardia airport, where I had to change planes. And that's where Part Two comes in. To be continued...