When I'm Old...

I want to sit on a park bench and swing my legs.

How Much is That Doggy in the Window?

No, not that one. The real one.

Zero Money is Zero Dollars

Yesterday I went to a great store. It was run by Mairead, 3. She told me to come over to the cash register and sit down. I told her I wanted to buy two books, and we began the transaction:

Mairead: How much charge do you want?

Me: Five dollars.

Mairead: Okay. Um...how about zero dollars? Zero money is zero dollars.
(opens cash register and gives me a fake dime) Here's a dollar.

Wow, what a store! Two books for zero dollars, plus a dime that's worth a dollar. I think the store will be open again next week. I'm gonna buy more.

Top Model Pony

Who Needs a Piece of String?

Grab your Large Reminder Band, and "Think Thin!"
Drop that bag of potato chips and that candy bar!

Pray for Money

The other day at school, a girl, M, age 4, was setting up a meal with plastic food. She had it all carefully arranged on the table, plates and food everywhere. A mom and her daughter came over, and M asked if they wanted some food. Mom said yes, and M said, "Okay, but first we need to say grace." Mom said, "Okay, but we don't know what to do. Can you show us?"

M said "Sure", and proceeded to grab their hands. She told them to hold hands and close their eyes, and she said grace:

"Dear God, thank you for this food and bless this food and help us not to do mistakes on purpose and deliver us from evil. Amen."

While all this was going on, Rose, 5, was standing next to me. As soon as the grace was finished, she looked at me and said, "I want my money back!"

Wait For It...

At my preschool, I encourage the kids to pee when we're lining up to wash our hands for lunch. The boys often whip it out, then say after a second, "I don't have anything!" I give them advice, which some of them take to heart.

Zack was with his family going pee, and as he was standing at the toilet he said, "Alex always says, 'Just wait, it'll come!'"

And it always does.

Panda Face!

The other day we had bananas for snack at preschool. I found a panda face in mine.

COO...L BED!

My boyfriend's bed looks like a park bench. I got him a little friend to keep him company when I'm not there.

Ahh...

Spring has sprung in Boston!

20 Years Today

Today marks 20 years since my mom died. It's sort of unbelievable. I don't know what happens as you get older to make the passage of time go so quickly, but 20 years seems like yesterday. 20 years, are you kidding me???

I say this whenever I talk about my mom, but I'll say it again. I will never get over her death. Never. It's not like I dwell on it and never leave my house or anything, but I think about her every day, and I wish all the time that she was here. When I really think about it, like now, I start to get really sad and cry. Mostly, I am used to the fact that she's not here, but I don't like it one bit.

My mom was so funny and unique. She would be totally unprepared to handle today's technology. I remember when ATMs first came out and she would get so flustered using them. She'd wave her hands and make panicky noises.  To imagine Mom with a cell phone makes me laugh out loud.

Mom liked funky things. She once had some local teenagers carry a defunct fire hydrant up 3 flights of stairs so she could have it as decoration in the entrance of her apartment. She was always paying teenagers to do things for her.

She was a big fan of Reebok sneakers and skirts, down coats, and coral nail polish on her toes.

Here's to you, Mom. I wish you were here. I have a plastic goose lamp and a giant Starbucks mug as decoration in my house. Your influence is evident. I miss you.

Yuk yuk

Working at my preschool is like vaudeville show sometimes, with one liners zinging left and right.

Yesterday, little Oscar comes up to me holding two tennis balls.

Oscar: Alex, I have balls!

Alex: (pauses for effect) Yes, you do, Oscar.

A mom, breezing by: One in each hand!

Ba dum  bum! We're here every day, folks.

Got Glue?

Who can have these foam pieces for an art project? Anyone.

I WON!

My friend Amy and I play Scrabble on Sundays. She is famous for kicking my ass on a regular basis, even when she's doped up on cold medicine. Every once in great while, to Amy's disbelief, I win. I won recently (by one point, but hey, it's still a win), and was so excited I had to document it. And now I will share it (read: flaunt it) with the world. Celebrate with me, won't you?

Beyoncé - Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)

I'm teaching this song to my kids. It has a great beat, and it's so much fun to sing, "Wuh oh oh, uh oh oh oh!" I've got a couple of the kids singing that part already.

Last night I took a one time class to learn the dance. We got through 1/4 of the dance, and I learned about 1/4 of that. It was fun, but I am NOT Beyonce. Not even close. I'm not worthy.

Barack Sings a Love Song

When President Obama was elected, I made a big deal of it at school. I prepped the kids and made sure they knew who he was. Every once in awhile I'll show his picture and ask who it is, just to keep it fresh in their minds.

I was excited when I got a taped call from Barack Obama, asking me to vote for Martha Coakley. I saved the message, and have played it for the kids so they can hear his voice and know that Barack Obama called me!

The other day at school I was playing random songs. "Falling in Love" by Elvis Presley came on, and I told the kids who it was. I played the CD a few times, and when Elvis came on again, I said, "Now, who is this again?"

Lucas replied, "Barack Obama!" Guess I shouldn't quiz the kids too often.

Watch Where You Sit

Yesterday at school I was getting ready to read a story. I had gathered all the children, got them to sit down, and put my little chair in its place so I could sit down and read. A little girl was near my chair, and as I sat down, she pulled the chair out from under me. I fell hard on the floor, totally unexpected. It was that classic pratfall you see in the movies--classic! It would have been funny if I hadn't hit my back. I was okay, she was horrified, and I got some ice and read the story. It was classic, I gotta give her that. What timing! Next time I'll be sure to look carefully before sitting down.

Slippery When Wet

Here's the Wet Floor Guy. We've all seen him slipping, but have you actually seen him after he's fallen?

Merry Christmas, Dear!

My cousin got this stalk of Brussel sprouts from her boyfriend's mother for Christmas. Her boyfriend of nine years. Brussel sprouts. Dripping wet from the sink. A week later I was in Trader Joe's and I saw the same stalk. A woman and her husband walked by and said, "Wow, I've never seen Brussel sprouts on a stalk like that", and I had to chime in, "My cousin got those for Christmas from her boyfriend's mother!" Most unusual (and healthy) present this year.

Happy New Year!

It's 2010, Holy crap. It feels like the future. I spent my New Year's Eve on an airplane coming back from CA. I asked the flight attendant (a little man who resembled Bob Barker, only better looking) if we were gonna celebrate at midnight. He said, "Oh honey, this is gonna be a regular charter plane. We'll all be sleeping." I said, "Oh, come on!"

At first I thought it was gonna be a party. There was a guy next to the window, and an empty seat, then me. This woman from Puerto Rico in the row in front of us told me that she and her family were traveling together, and their seats were all over. She smelled of alcohol, but had an energetic vibe. I moved to the middle seat and let her dad sit in my aisle seat. He didn't speak English that well. I told him I'd practice my Spanish, and said, "Feliz Navidad!"

The woman said she was going to Boston, but it might be risky with her sweatshirt (a Yankees sweatshirt). I said, "I'm a New Yorker!" and we high fived. We made a little noise, and I thought, "Now this is where the party's at!" The dad, whose head looked like a turtle's, smiled politely and had a blank look in his eyes. A minute later, the flight attendant said there were four seats in a row in the back, and the spunky woman said, "Vamanos!" They all got up, Papi very confused, and moved. End of party.

At midnight, most everyone was sleeping, but I looked over at my aislemate, who had his eyes open. I said, "It's midnight. Happy New Year!" Then I went to the bathroom and said to the flight attendants, "Happy New Year!" They said, "Oh, is it midnight? Oh yeah!" I asked why there were no streamers and hats, and one of them said, "Yeah, I did that once during a flight. We didn't want to wake anyone up."

LAME!!! Oh well, it's 2010. The future is here.