Kids Say the Darndest Things, in Any Language

I tutor Japanese kids and adults in English. The other day I was talking to one of my 10 year old students, a boy who has a great sense of humor. I would ask him a question, and he would respond, in Japanese, to his sister. After a few times, I asked him why he kept answering his sister, when I was the one asking the questions. He replied that he was tired. He said, "School."

I felt so sorry for him. I said sympathetically, "Oh, I know. It's so hard, everyone speaking English all the time. English, English, English! I understand why you're tired."

He replied in English, looking at me this time. "No. Gym. Yoga." Then he said in Japanese that his back hurt. I laughed so hard I almost fell off the couch.

I will never get tired of having conversations with children. It keeps me young.

Brrr...

On January 6th it was 69 degrees. 20 days later, it's 17 below with the wind chill factor.

Tights? check.
Long johns? check.
Jeans? check.
Tee shirt, double layer L.L. Bean shirt, sweater? check.
Down jacket? check.
Snowpants? check.
Hat, scarf, mittens? check.
Boots? check.

I'm headin' out. Wish me luck.

Visitors, beware

Visitors to Boston, take note. Our subway "T"
system has new pricing. Want to find out what
to pay? Simple. Just look at the attached photo
and find your situation. Do you want a Charlie
Card or a Charlie Ticket? Go by bus, bus to bus, subway to bus, or just subway? Are you a
senior? A student? Do you want a pass? For just today or a week?

I have to ask, because, you see, all the answers
are different. Prices range from free to $59.00, depending on how old you are and who you know in town hall.

I'm disgusted.

You Saw a What???

The other day I saw a robin; you know, the bird that announces the arrival of spring? I saw him on January 20th. We had a short conversation, and then sort of got into a tiff:

Me: Hey, what are you doing here?

Robin (he had an accent like a New York cab driver): Yo, I was flying south for the winter, like I do every year, but I stopped here 'cause it was so nice. It was 69 degrees on January 6th, fer crissakes! And now? It's gotta be down to 25. What the fuck? It's 55 one day and 35 the next. I got my one leg tucked in to keep me warm, puffed myself up, and I'm still cold as hell! This El Nino guy's got us all confused.

Me: Tell me about it. This global warming crap is for the...

Robin: Yeah, for the birds, right. Like I haven't heard that one a few thousand times.

Me: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you keep flying? And while you're at it, lay off the bread crumbs.

Robin: And why don't you keep walking, lady. And get that camera out of my face.

Who knew that little springtime birds could have such attitude?

I Feel a Draft...

It's 25 degrees outside, feels like 14. When I walked in my place just now from the outside, I noticed it seemed rather chilly.

And then I noticed that my storm windows have been up the entire fall and winter season thus far. Oh my god, how much of an idiot do I feel like right now??? Sure, I can fix the toilet by myself, but can I put down a storm window when it starts to get cold?

Okay, enough beating myself up. I'm going to have some tea. And have my bathrobe on until it gets warm in here.

2 Thumbs Up!

This has been the weekend for movies. Saw 3 of them, and they were all great, and all very different. I recommend:

* Night at the Museum
Funny, good pace, not too heavy handed with the messages. Very entertaining. Excellent animation.

* Dreamgirls

A fantastic musical. Jennifer Hudson, almost American Idol, kicked it! Her singing was so powerful in one song I cried, and led the audience into a round of applause.

* Notes on a Scandal

One word for Dame Judi Dench: Creeeepy! You'll want to speak in a British accent and be wary of older ladies seeking "company" for tea.

Fluffer-nutter

I got this new vacuum sweeper gadget that runs on a battery. After using it only a few times, it stopped working. Cheap piece of crap, I thought, until I turned it over and looked at the roller. This is what it looked like (see above).

The culprit? She's so

embarassed.

Travel Tips

Here's what I learned during my recent travels:

* a medium sized L.L. Bean duffel does fit in the overhead compartment.

* so does a big ass garment bag

* a quart sized Ziplock is the kind you put sandwiches in. That's the kind you have to use, not the bigger one.

* saline solution (salt water) is considered medicine

* Chapstick is considered a liquid

* Dansko clogs and no belt is the way to go for faster security checks

* never check your bags. You can buy stuff when you get there.

THE END IS NEAR

Today it was 69 degrees in Boston.

It is January 6th.

We're in the middle of an earth shift.

I feel like a dinosaur.

Alex "Roto Rooter" Campbell

We interrupt our vacation stories to let you know that Alex is on her way to becoming a full-fledged plumber. She uclogs drains like nobody's business, and tonight she has fixed her toilet all by herself, without calling the landlord! Here, in her own words, is Alex:

So the flusher on my toilet was acting funny ever since I got home from CA. In fact, when I first looked at the toilet after coming home, I thought the flusher had been replaced because it looked different. In fact, it had just been twisted around so it was upside down. Figured that out, problem number one solved.

Then it started twisting every time the toilet was flushed, and then tonight, it just spun around and the water didn't go down. I thought about how I'd have to call my landlord, whose wife just gave birth last week, and how I didn't want to bother him, and how he'd have to call a plumber.

I decided to take matters into my own hands, and I took off the top of the tank. I noticed the chain that goes to the suction thing, then I looked to the left, and I saw this plastic nut that screwed onto a...well, a plastic screw. It was pretty loose. I tightened the nut, and lo and behold, the flusher was fixed!

I am very proud of myself. I think I'll go pee.

You've Heard of Stone Soup? How 'Bout Stone Outfit?

Next morning, no bag. Time to throw something together. Rekha has some things that would fit me. She gives me several options. My first concern is warmth; that's how you know I'm not in my twenties anymore. I don't even care how the outfit is put together. I reject this sleeveless blouse, and that sleeveless dress, and opt for a black clingy skirt that sways, a black turtleneck sweater, and black cotton tights. This will be paired with the shoes I have on, which are red Dansko clogs. To add a splash of color, I will wear the cardigan I have on, which is green. How Christmas-y! I find a multicolored scarf that has gold woven into it for dramatic flair.

As we are getting into the car to drive to the wedding, my phone rings. "Yes, this is American Airlines courier service. We'd like to verify an address for delivery." I tell the man on the phone to shove my garment bag up his ass. Not really, just in my head. What I really say is, "Actually, it's too late, because what I needed in the bag I no longer need. Please take my bag back to the airport, 'cause I'm leaving tomorrow anyway." He says he will.

At the wedding, I am very self conscious, a feeling I am not used to. The tights have never been worn and are slightly big, so the heel rides up on my legs a little. From my head down to my torso I feel like a librarian. Then a flamenco dancer at the waist, and then an old lady at the legs and feet. For once, I do not want my picture taken.

Everyone is so nice at the wedding. Several people say to me, "Oh, they found your luggage!" It makes me feel a little better. And lo and behold, I am warm. It is a beautiful wedding, a meaningful ceremony, good food, and lots of interesting people. A fun time is had by all.

As we're cleaning up, I check my phone for messages. I've received three, from the American Airlines courier service, requesting address verification for delivery of my luggage. I pull a hissy fit and call AA twice to verify that my luggage will be at the airport tomorrow, not in some van. A nice lady assures me that all is taken care of.

And the next morning, I find that it is. I get my bag and get back on a plane. This time I do not check it. I will never check a bag again. Never did before this. I've learned my lesson.

No Dress, But Someone Famous!

So I wait for awhile, and really, my bag is not there, so I go to the office, where there is a huge line of people. Guess this happens fairly regularly, just like I've read about.

They take my info and tell me that most likely, the bag will be delivered to where I'm staying that night, or the next morning. The next morning, of course, I have a wedding to go to, so it better be there the next morning!

Meanwhile, the groom's father, who I have never met, has been waiting for me for at least 30 minutes. What a first impression to make, even though it wasn't my fault. We finally get in the car and head to the Chinese restaurant where my friend Rekha is, along with her family, her fiance, his family, and guests from out of town. I say hi and tell my story, threatening to wear jeans to the wedding. It's all I have.

My story is overshadowed by a celebrity sighting at the restaurant! Rekha tells me in a stage whisper that Robin Williams is at the table across the room, and indeed he is, along with his wife/former nanny, and their children. Wow!! We sneak glances throughout the dinner. Rekha's mom whispers to me, "Is he drinking red wine? I thought he just got out of rehab?" We determine together that it's a Coke, not red wine. No drama.

No one wants to disturb him while he's eating. You'd almost never know they were there. At the end of their meal, as they're leaving the restaurant, a teenager asks for his autograph and whips out the digital camera. Mr. Williams is very nice about the request, very quiet, and sneaks away quickly afterwards.

The night passes without a call from the airline courier.

Ode to an Outfit

My good friend Rekha was getting married two days after Christmas in San Francisco. What does one wear to a San Francisco wedding in late December? It would be outside, in the afternoon. I worried about the cold. Should I wear my standard winter formal dress, the one I've had for five years that is shapeless? No way, time to say out with the old, ring in the new!

I ordered a cute grey dress that my friend described this way: "It's great, if you like the 50's housewife look." Turns out I love that look! Sleeveless, fitted at the waist, poofed out a little at the hips. The thing was, I was still worried about the cold. I thought about wearing a sweater, borrowing a wrap, until...I was at the Gap one night and saw the most amazing article of clothing, perfect for my outfit.

It looked like one of those grey mink stoles one's grandmother wore in the 40's, 'cept it was 100% acrylic. It sort of had sleeves, and went to the waist. Lined with silver satin. Marked way down. It was a little over the top, but together with my dress, it was definitely a look. With some heels and a pen to sign autographs, I would be a knockout. And I'd be very warm. Perfect. Tilt your head to see the pic; I couldn't get it to rotate. Sorry.

Fast forward to the day before the wedding. I packed the outfit in a garment bag borrowed from my cousin and checked it at the airport, thinking a garment bag was too big to carry on. I got from LA to SF no problem. My bag did not. To be continued...