So this guy who won the dance contest deserves his own entry. He sort of had the outfit; he had the requisite white socks and black shoes. He had the white button down shirt, and a tie. But the rest of it made him something else. His suit was tan, as was his hat. He had an accent; he looked to be in his late 30's. He was a mixture of Pee Wee Herman, Roberto Benigni from "Life is Beautiful", and a door to door salesman from the 1950's.
Now imagine that guy dancing like Michael Jackson, move for move. At one point when he was onstage he told us that he used to draw stick figures of Michael Jackson's moves so he could copy them and memorize them. I'm not kidding, he really said that.
You could just imagine him being first in line when the MJ videos became available for purchase. How many VCRs did he burn out watching "Thriller" and "Beat It" over and over again so he could perfect his routines? He amazed us with his movements; the spins, the crotch grabbing, and the jerking. The crowd gasped and screamed when he actually did the splits gracefully and without injury. He was on fire, which both fascinated me and freaked me out.
All I could think about was what kind of life he had to be this perfect an imitator. Did he spend his high school and college days in his room alone, in front of the mirror, wearing out the rug with his spins? Had he ever had a relationship? Did he make an annual pilgrimage to Neverland Ranch? Did he want to be Michael Jackson? Maybe he made money on the side by performing at Sweet 16s and bar mizvahs. But he clearly didn't make enough, 'cause he couldn't even get the whole outfit.
In any case, he did a great job, he was perfect for the entertainment part of the evening, and good for him for having a passion. Let's hope he doesn't order Jesus Juice when he goes out with the boys.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Michael Jackson Sing-a-Long
Last night at the local independent movie theater there was a Michael Jackson Sing-a-Long. I knew as soon as I saw it on the marquee that I wanted to go. Who cared that it was at midnight, long past my usual bedtime? I immediately sent out a mass email inviting one and all to attend this glorious event with me. One by one they declined, except for one good friend, Diana, who I think accepted partly because she felt sorry for me. In any case, by midnight we were both pumped, and we stood in the sold out line of 200 people not knowing what to expect. As it turned out, we were amused, embarassed, thrilled, and horrified.
Diana and I scanned the small theater and sized up the audience. There were a lot of young-ish people there. I broke the crowd into two groups; those who were "real" fans like us, who grew up listening to him and remembered when the albums came out, and the other fans, who somehow were so into him that they would pay $9.50 to see a midnight showing of his videos.
The emcee was entertaining. He went around and handed out props to use during the videos: flashlights to light up different parts of the theater when "Billie Jean" came on (you had to turn on your flashlight on the beat when Michael stepped on the squares to make them light up), water bottles to spray the people around you when "The Way You Make Me Feel" came on and showed the broken fire hydrant spraying, and laser pointers, just because they're fun to play with.
The evening began with a moonwalk dance contest. All of the contestants got up on stage to do their best MJ moves. Out of two hundred people, there were four contestants; two men, two women. The screen showed a clip of MJ in 1995 at some awards show, and the participants did their stuff. It was immediately clear that the two women were not worth watching. All eyes were on a small Italian looking man in a tan suit, tie and hat, and a tall Asian college student. It became a battle. One would do a move, and the other would follow suit. Our job was to decide who did it better. After a few moves, the Italian guy blew college boy out of the water by moving exactly the way Michael was moving up on the screen. It was amazing and creepy. He won a DVD of the videos we were about to view. The creepiness was just beginning...
Diana and I scanned the small theater and sized up the audience. There were a lot of young-ish people there. I broke the crowd into two groups; those who were "real" fans like us, who grew up listening to him and remembered when the albums came out, and the other fans, who somehow were so into him that they would pay $9.50 to see a midnight showing of his videos.
The emcee was entertaining. He went around and handed out props to use during the videos: flashlights to light up different parts of the theater when "Billie Jean" came on (you had to turn on your flashlight on the beat when Michael stepped on the squares to make them light up), water bottles to spray the people around you when "The Way You Make Me Feel" came on and showed the broken fire hydrant spraying, and laser pointers, just because they're fun to play with.
The evening began with a moonwalk dance contest. All of the contestants got up on stage to do their best MJ moves. Out of two hundred people, there were four contestants; two men, two women. The screen showed a clip of MJ in 1995 at some awards show, and the participants did their stuff. It was immediately clear that the two women were not worth watching. All eyes were on a small Italian looking man in a tan suit, tie and hat, and a tall Asian college student. It became a battle. One would do a move, and the other would follow suit. Our job was to decide who did it better. After a few moves, the Italian guy blew college boy out of the water by moving exactly the way Michael was moving up on the screen. It was amazing and creepy. He won a DVD of the videos we were about to view. The creepiness was just beginning...
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Inquiring Minds Want to Know
I was just walking down my favorite street, coming home from yoga class, when I passed by two kids. I noticed the little one first. She looked to be about three. She was staring at me, so I said hi. And then I got the third degree.
Me: Hi.
Girl: What's your name?
Me: Alex.
Girl: Why do you have that thing on your leg? (tattoo)
Me: Because I think it looks nice.
Boy (about six): Why do you have a yoga mat?
Me: Because I just got out of a yoga class.
Boy: And you're going home?
Me: Yes.
Boy: Where do you live?
Me: I live over there. (I pointed. I don't give out my address, even to six year-olds)
Boy: My friend lives over there.
Me: Dale?
Boy: No.
Me: Patrick.
Boy: No.
Me: Jonas.
Boy: No.
Me: Who?
Boy: Quinn.
Me: Oh, I know Quinn. I was one of his preschool teachers. I know him very well.
Boy: Oh! Well, if you see him, tell him I said hi.
Me: What's your name?
Boy: Liam.
Girl: Anya.
Me: Okay. (to the parent I hear at the door): I'm a neighbor! (back to Liam and Anya) Bye!
Both: Bye...
Me: Hi.
Girl: What's your name?
Me: Alex.
Girl: Why do you have that thing on your leg? (tattoo)
Me: Because I think it looks nice.
Boy (about six): Why do you have a yoga mat?
Me: Because I just got out of a yoga class.
Boy: And you're going home?
Me: Yes.
Boy: Where do you live?
Me: I live over there. (I pointed. I don't give out my address, even to six year-olds)
Boy: My friend lives over there.
Me: Dale?
Boy: No.
Me: Patrick.
Boy: No.
Me: Jonas.
Boy: No.
Me: Who?
Boy: Quinn.
Me: Oh, I know Quinn. I was one of his preschool teachers. I know him very well.
Boy: Oh! Well, if you see him, tell him I said hi.
Me: What's your name?
Boy: Liam.
Girl: Anya.
Me: Okay. (to the parent I hear at the door): I'm a neighbor! (back to Liam and Anya) Bye!
Both: Bye...
Friday, August 11, 2006
faux pas
My friend Courtney read my blog and thought it was very cute of me to ask if that bag was a Coach. She said she thought that that was akin to asking if something from Chanel was from the Gap. Ha! Listen, I read my People mag just as faithfully as anyone else, and I know all the stars have those bags, but when I see them I just cringe, so I don't even think about the price.
I was curious, though, so I Googled Chloe bags. Yowsa. You can get them at Needless Markups for about a thousand dollars. Wow. For those of us in the lower tax bracket, you can get a mini padlock keychain for $180. Or a crystal trim one for $615. Btw, the padlock is their signature. They are laughing all the way to the bank, I'm sure. Oh, and you can also get a bag made from a python. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to vomit.
I was curious, though, so I Googled Chloe bags. Yowsa. You can get them at Needless Markups for about a thousand dollars. Wow. For those of us in the lower tax bracket, you can get a mini padlock keychain for $180. Or a crystal trim one for $615. Btw, the padlock is their signature. They are laughing all the way to the bank, I'm sure. Oh, and you can also get a bag made from a python. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to vomit.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Purse snatchers, beware!
In my travels, I am always seeing people and/or things I want to photograph. I hesitate, for fear of a negative reaction. I got such a reaction from a guy once who had a heart-shaped hole in his shirt I wanted to take a picture of. His girlfriend was also a photographer and was into it, but he wasn't. After that I figured I wouldn't ask anyone anything anymore.
Till today. I spotted one of those big bulky purses that are so popular these days. What caught my eye, besides the garish green color, was the gold padlock that adorned the front of the purse. I could not take my eyes off of it. Who on earth designed that purse??? How did he or she come up with it? Thought process of the designer: "I need something...strong... indestructable...shiny! I need protection from purse snatchers! I know! What could be stronger than a padlock?!"
I gathered up all my nerve and said to the owner of the safe on her lap, "I've been looking at your bag this whole ride. Is that a Coach?" She told me it was a Chloe. I said, "Can I take a picture of it for reference?" I didn't tell her the reference was for my blog. She was only too happy to oblige. So here it is. I still can't believe it. Thoug
hts? 
Till today. I spotted one of those big bulky purses that are so popular these days. What caught my eye, besides the garish green color, was the gold padlock that adorned the front of the purse. I could not take my eyes off of it. Who on earth designed that purse??? How did he or she come up with it? Thought process of the designer: "I need something...strong... indestructable...shiny! I need protection from purse snatchers! I know! What could be stronger than a padlock?!"
I gathered up all my nerve and said to the owner of the safe on her lap, "I've been looking at your bag this whole ride. Is that a Coach?" She told me it was a Chloe. I said, "Can I take a picture of it for reference?" I didn't tell her the reference was for my blog. She was only too happy to oblige. So here it is. I still can't believe it. Thoug
hts? 
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Paws to consider
I'm on FIRE today with the blog entries! Gotta get off my duff, but had to post this one picture of my Fuffy's paws. I love to touch them, but she doesn't like it. She'll bite.
One of those getting to know you things
I copied this from someone's blog, and answered it myself:
1. How old do you wish you were?
I like the age I am (38).
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I was in Japan. One of my former nursery school students, who is Japanese and was about 10 at the time, called me and said, "Alex, turn on the TV. An airplane flew into the two tall buildings." 9/11 didn't affect me like it did the people who were in America. Before 9/11, when I told Japanese people I was from New York, they said, "Cool!" After 9/11, they said, "I'm sorry."
3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
I say, "Goddammit!" and I hit the machine.
4. Do you consider yourself kind?
Yes.
5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
Good question for me, eh? My next tat is a stereotypical sailor tattoo. It will be a heart with a banner that says, "Mom." To honor my mom, who passed away 16 years ago, and also because I think she would get a kick out of it.
6. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Japanese.
7. Do you know your neighbors?
Yes, very well. I love my house and my neighborhood.
8. What do you consider a vacation?
Not being at work. Like now, I'm on vacation. Even if all I do is errands and nap.
9. Do you follow your horoscope?
Religiously.
10. Would you move for the person you loved?
Yes.
11. Are you touchy feely?
Depends on the vibe I get. Usually, yes.
12. Do you believe that opposites attract?
Yes.
13. Dream job?
I love my job now, but...some of my dream jobs include writer, actor, first ever really petite top model.
14. Favorite channels?
HGTV (Home and Garden channel), TLC, whatever channels Dateline, The Apprentice, American Idol, and Project Runway are on.
15. Favorite place to go on a weekend?
'Round here. I'm a homebody.
16. Showers or bath?
Depends on my mood. I do both.
17. Do you paint your nails?
Not my fingernails, they ruin too easily because I work with my hands and I love to do dishes. I get pedicures semi regularly in the summer.
18. Do you trust people easily?
Yes and no. Again, I go with the vibe I get.
19. What are your phobias?
Moths, things that fly and hop at the same time (grasshoppers, locusts), open staircases, bats getting into my apartment and flying above my loft bed, very close to my head. Guess I have a thing about things that fly, huh?
20. Do you want kids?
It would be nice, but I'm surrounded by kids all the time, so I'm not lacking for kid energy.
21. Do you keep a handwritten journal?
Nope. I have all my thoughts in my head.
22. Where would you rather be right now?
Than here? Nowhere.
23. What makes you feel warm and safe?
A cuppa English tea with lots of milk and sugar, and my fleece throw.
24. Heavy or light sleep?
Light.
25. Are you paranoid?
Why? What do you want from me?
26. Are you impatient?
No. Very patient. Except with vending machines.
27. Who can you relate to?
Oprah Winfrey. A fabulous woman who grew up poor.
28. How do you feel about interracial couples?
Fine. I've dated many different races.
29. Have you been burned by love?
Yes.
30. What's your life motto?
From my nursery school: Have fun, be safe, and use your imagination.
31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
It goes like this: da da da da da da da, da da da da...
32. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Reading a book I had realized I had already read before, but finished it anyway.
33. Who was your last text message from?
A guy I once dated, who turned out to be married.
34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine own.
35. What color shirt are you wearing?
Grey.
36. Most recent movie you watched?
I'm terrible at this question. Uh...I think it was that date one with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. I got free passes, and was glad I hadn't paid for it.
37. Name five things you have on you at all times?
Grammar police: this is not a question. In any case,
1) iPod
2) wallet
3) keys
4) plastic case that holds first aid stuff: band aids, tissues, Advil, Chapstick, Purell
5) new digital camera
38. What color are your bed sheets?
Light aquamarine.
39. How much cash do you have on you right now?
Let me check: $8 in bills, $2.21 in change, and 2 tokens. The quarters will go in the laundry jar.
40. What is your favorite part of the chicken?
Boneless breast.
41. What is your favorite town/city?
Shibuya: Tokyo, Japan.
42. I can't wait till...
I hear from the love of my life.
I turn 40. I'm going to throw a fabulous party!
I get my next tat.
My debts are paid off.
I sell my first book.
43. Who got you to join MySpace?
Hmm...was this list of questions written by a 16 year old MySpacer? I don't like to think about MySpace because it makes me think of sexual predators.
44. What did you have for dinner last night?
A chicken teriyaki wrap.
45. How tall are you barefoot?
5'1"
46. Have you ever smoked crack?
Actually, my best friend and I did when we were in high school, but we did it wrong. Thank god.
47. Do you own a gun?
I used to own a glue gun, but I sold it at a yard sale.
48. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
English tea with lots of milk and sugar.
49. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
To lure in anyone, I'll use charm and flirting.
50. Do you have A.D.D?
What? Random question. Answer: no.
51. What time did you wake up today?
7:00 am. Like I do every day, even on vacation.
52. Current worry?
Is my cat scratching herself more than usual, and is it due to her heart medication, and why didn't I notice it sooner, and am I a terrible mother?
53. Current hate?
Baggers at the grocery store who put all the heavy things in one bag, and all light things in another.
54. Favorite place to be?
On the glider on my porch. Think I'll go there after this.
55. Where would you like to travel?
Back to Japan. It's been 6 years.
56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
Either right here, or in a condo I've bought, close to here. Working on my second book.
57. Last thing you ate?
Vinegar and sea salt potato chips. Ick!!! I tried them because my friend had them.
58. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Anything that comes to mind.
59. Last person that made you laugh?
Last person who made me laugh? A little girl at a wedding who was dancing very well to klezmar music.
60. Worst injury you ever had?
I got bit in the arse by a German Shepherd when I was 10 and the size of a 7 year old. He shook me like a rag doll.
61. Does someone have a crush on you?
Yeah, but the feeling's not mutual. Sigh...
62. What is your favorite candy?
Snickers with almonds.
1. How old do you wish you were?
I like the age I am (38).
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I was in Japan. One of my former nursery school students, who is Japanese and was about 10 at the time, called me and said, "Alex, turn on the TV. An airplane flew into the two tall buildings." 9/11 didn't affect me like it did the people who were in America. Before 9/11, when I told Japanese people I was from New York, they said, "Cool!" After 9/11, they said, "I'm sorry."
3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
I say, "Goddammit!" and I hit the machine.
4. Do you consider yourself kind?
Yes.
5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
Good question for me, eh? My next tat is a stereotypical sailor tattoo. It will be a heart with a banner that says, "Mom." To honor my mom, who passed away 16 years ago, and also because I think she would get a kick out of it.
6. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Japanese.
7. Do you know your neighbors?
Yes, very well. I love my house and my neighborhood.
8. What do you consider a vacation?
Not being at work. Like now, I'm on vacation. Even if all I do is errands and nap.
9. Do you follow your horoscope?
Religiously.
10. Would you move for the person you loved?
Yes.
11. Are you touchy feely?
Depends on the vibe I get. Usually, yes.
12. Do you believe that opposites attract?
Yes.
13. Dream job?
I love my job now, but...some of my dream jobs include writer, actor, first ever really petite top model.
14. Favorite channels?
HGTV (Home and Garden channel), TLC, whatever channels Dateline, The Apprentice, American Idol, and Project Runway are on.
15. Favorite place to go on a weekend?
'Round here. I'm a homebody.
16. Showers or bath?
Depends on my mood. I do both.
17. Do you paint your nails?
Not my fingernails, they ruin too easily because I work with my hands and I love to do dishes. I get pedicures semi regularly in the summer.
18. Do you trust people easily?
Yes and no. Again, I go with the vibe I get.
19. What are your phobias?
Moths, things that fly and hop at the same time (grasshoppers, locusts), open staircases, bats getting into my apartment and flying above my loft bed, very close to my head. Guess I have a thing about things that fly, huh?
20. Do you want kids?
It would be nice, but I'm surrounded by kids all the time, so I'm not lacking for kid energy.
21. Do you keep a handwritten journal?
Nope. I have all my thoughts in my head.
22. Where would you rather be right now?
Than here? Nowhere.
23. What makes you feel warm and safe?
A cuppa English tea with lots of milk and sugar, and my fleece throw.
24. Heavy or light sleep?
Light.
25. Are you paranoid?
Why? What do you want from me?
26. Are you impatient?
No. Very patient. Except with vending machines.
27. Who can you relate to?
Oprah Winfrey. A fabulous woman who grew up poor.
28. How do you feel about interracial couples?
Fine. I've dated many different races.
29. Have you been burned by love?
Yes.
30. What's your life motto?
From my nursery school: Have fun, be safe, and use your imagination.
31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
It goes like this: da da da da da da da, da da da da...
32. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Reading a book I had realized I had already read before, but finished it anyway.
33. Who was your last text message from?
A guy I once dated, who turned out to be married.
34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine own.
35. What color shirt are you wearing?
Grey.
36. Most recent movie you watched?
I'm terrible at this question. Uh...I think it was that date one with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. I got free passes, and was glad I hadn't paid for it.
37. Name five things you have on you at all times?
Grammar police: this is not a question. In any case,
1) iPod
2) wallet
3) keys
4) plastic case that holds first aid stuff: band aids, tissues, Advil, Chapstick, Purell
5) new digital camera
38. What color are your bed sheets?
Light aquamarine.
39. How much cash do you have on you right now?
Let me check: $8 in bills, $2.21 in change, and 2 tokens. The quarters will go in the laundry jar.
40. What is your favorite part of the chicken?
Boneless breast.
41. What is your favorite town/city?
Shibuya: Tokyo, Japan.
42. I can't wait till...
I hear from the love of my life.
I turn 40. I'm going to throw a fabulous party!
I get my next tat.
My debts are paid off.
I sell my first book.
43. Who got you to join MySpace?
Hmm...was this list of questions written by a 16 year old MySpacer? I don't like to think about MySpace because it makes me think of sexual predators.
44. What did you have for dinner last night?
A chicken teriyaki wrap.
45. How tall are you barefoot?
5'1"
46. Have you ever smoked crack?
Actually, my best friend and I did when we were in high school, but we did it wrong. Thank god.
47. Do you own a gun?
I used to own a glue gun, but I sold it at a yard sale.
48. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
English tea with lots of milk and sugar.
49. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
To lure in anyone, I'll use charm and flirting.
50. Do you have A.D.D?
What? Random question. Answer: no.
51. What time did you wake up today?
7:00 am. Like I do every day, even on vacation.
52. Current worry?
Is my cat scratching herself more than usual, and is it due to her heart medication, and why didn't I notice it sooner, and am I a terrible mother?
53. Current hate?
Baggers at the grocery store who put all the heavy things in one bag, and all light things in another.
54. Favorite place to be?
On the glider on my porch. Think I'll go there after this.
55. Where would you like to travel?
Back to Japan. It's been 6 years.
56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
Either right here, or in a condo I've bought, close to here. Working on my second book.
57. Last thing you ate?
Vinegar and sea salt potato chips. Ick!!! I tried them because my friend had them.
58. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Anything that comes to mind.
59. Last person that made you laugh?
Last person who made me laugh? A little girl at a wedding who was dancing very well to klezmar music.
60. Worst injury you ever had?
I got bit in the arse by a German Shepherd when I was 10 and the size of a 7 year old. He shook me like a rag doll.
61. Does someone have a crush on you?
Yeah, but the feeling's not mutual. Sigh...
62. What is your favorite candy?
Snickers with almonds.
Brassiere Talk
I went to Lady Grace yesterday, the local intimate apparel store. The women who work there know their stuff.
Some things I learned:
* Get measured professionally.
* You are probably running around in the wrong size bra.
* You're probably bigger than you think. Deal.
* A bra is supposed to be tight and be able to hold those suckers in! Go from the outsidemost hook to the innermost.
* Try on at least 10 bras to see which ones you really like.
* Good bras are expensive.
* A bra will last only 6 mos. to a year, if handwashed. Do not use Woolite; it will ruin the straps. How many of us wear bras for years before replacing them??
Happy shopping!
Some things I learned:
* Get measured professionally.
* You are probably running around in the wrong size bra.
* You're probably bigger than you think. Deal.
* A bra is supposed to be tight and be able to hold those suckers in! Go from the outsidemost hook to the innermost.
* Try on at least 10 bras to see which ones you really like.
* Good bras are expensive.
* A bra will last only 6 mos. to a year, if handwashed. Do not use Woolite; it will ruin the straps. How many of us wear bras for years before replacing them??
Happy shopping!
Clothing Adjuster
Hey folks, remember that job I told you about, Clothing Adjuster? I got to do it at a wedding last weekend, my dream come true. I was one of the photographers, and I felt like I could take some liberties. I buttoned a button on a woman's dress, fixed the hair of three women (with their permission, of course), and adjusted peoples' hands for photos. I did not brush the dandruff off the old man's dark jacket, nor did I tell him to do it himself, though I really wanted to.
Friday, August 04, 2006
More Shelby Positions
This is called Hide Face.
It's pretty self-explanatory.
This is Measure. When she sleeps like this I always want to take
measuring tape and see how long she is, because she's fully
stretched out and she looks so long! She's scared of tape measures, though, so I never measure her.
This is Tummy. I hesitated to putthis picture up, because it's not the
most becoming one of my precious feline,
but it is one of her positions, so up
it goes. Sorry, Shelby. Mommy won't
give you so many treats.
Last but not least, this is my favorite position. It's called Slug,
because to me she looks exactly like a slug, a blob of fluff and fat.
When Shelby is in the slug position, it means she's in
a very deep sleep. I never disturb her when she's in Slug.
You may have noticed that all of these pictures were taken
in the same room. It's the bathroom, one of her favorite
places to rest. Good night, Shelby, sweet slug dreams!
Language of the future
I have said to many people:
"I'll send you the link to my blog."
I say it, and they understand it. Amazing. I still can't believe it's a real sentence.
"I'll send you the link to my blog."
I say it, and they understand it. Amazing. I still can't believe it's a real sentence.
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