Grand Statements

I live my life through Grand Statements. My friend Emily says it's because I'm an extrovert and it's my way of processing things--out loud. I think about things in my life and then declare what is happening with me. Upon reflection of this process, I've come to the conclusion that the Statements are true when I utter them, but they won't necessarily stick.

Here are some of the Grand Statements I've uttered in years past, all with an exclamation point for emphasis. No Grand Statement has lasted very long:

--I'm getting married!

--I'm a lesbian!

--I want to try stand-up comedy!

--I like my housecleaning jobs! (upon receiving my Master's degree)

--Thank you for all of your help, I won't be needing your services any more! (to my therapist)

--I'm bisexual!

--I want to live in Japan for at least a year, maybe more!

--I'm getting married!

--I'm going to swim my way to health!

--I'm going to karate chop my way to health!

--I'm going to music video dance my way to health!

--I'm over my ex!

My latest Grand Statement is that I'm done with dating. D-O-N-E. I bought myself a diamond ring to emphasize the Statement, and I wear it on my left hand, on purpose. I can now wave my Grand Statement to the public without saying a word. I am not available.

The other day a guy who was sitting to my left at a table asked me out. Oy vey.