Watch Where You Sit

Yesterday at school I was getting ready to read a story. I had gathered all the children, got them to sit down, and put my little chair in its place so I could sit down and read. A little girl was near my chair, and as I sat down, she pulled the chair out from under me. I fell hard on the floor, totally unexpected. It was that classic pratfall you see in the movies--classic! It would have been funny if I hadn't hit my back. I was okay, she was horrified, and I got some ice and read the story. It was classic, I gotta give her that. What timing! Next time I'll be sure to look carefully before sitting down.

Slippery When Wet

Here's the Wet Floor Guy. We've all seen him slipping, but have you actually seen him after he's fallen?

Merry Christmas, Dear!

My cousin got this stalk of Brussel sprouts from her boyfriend's mother for Christmas. Her boyfriend of nine years. Brussel sprouts. Dripping wet from the sink. A week later I was in Trader Joe's and I saw the same stalk. A woman and her husband walked by and said, "Wow, I've never seen Brussel sprouts on a stalk like that", and I had to chime in, "My cousin got those for Christmas from her boyfriend's mother!" Most unusual (and healthy) present this year.

Happy New Year!

It's 2010, Holy crap. It feels like the future. I spent my New Year's Eve on an airplane coming back from CA. I asked the flight attendant (a little man who resembled Bob Barker, only better looking) if we were gonna celebrate at midnight. He said, "Oh honey, this is gonna be a regular charter plane. We'll all be sleeping." I said, "Oh, come on!"

At first I thought it was gonna be a party. There was a guy next to the window, and an empty seat, then me. This woman from Puerto Rico in the row in front of us told me that she and her family were traveling together, and their seats were all over. She smelled of alcohol, but had an energetic vibe. I moved to the middle seat and let her dad sit in my aisle seat. He didn't speak English that well. I told him I'd practice my Spanish, and said, "Feliz Navidad!"

The woman said she was going to Boston, but it might be risky with her sweatshirt (a Yankees sweatshirt). I said, "I'm a New Yorker!" and we high fived. We made a little noise, and I thought, "Now this is where the party's at!" The dad, whose head looked like a turtle's, smiled politely and had a blank look in his eyes. A minute later, the flight attendant said there were four seats in a row in the back, and the spunky woman said, "Vamanos!" They all got up, Papi very confused, and moved. End of party.

At midnight, most everyone was sleeping, but I looked over at my aislemate, who had his eyes open. I said, "It's midnight. Happy New Year!" Then I went to the bathroom and said to the flight attendants, "Happy New Year!" They said, "Oh, is it midnight? Oh yeah!" I asked why there were no streamers and hats, and one of them said, "Yeah, I did that once during a flight. We didn't want to wake anyone up."

LAME!!! Oh well, it's 2010. The future is here.