HDTV--Hell and Damnation Tele Vision!

Can I just vent here a second? It's about my TV.

See, we've all been getting the warnings about the end of the world that was supposed to be coming on February 17; now changed to June 12 or something. I reasoned that I'd never bought a new TV in my life, and in fact had never paid for one, so it was time for me to bite the bullet and get with the program. I bought a brand spanking new flat screen HDTV. And got cable. And thought all my problems were solved.

Wrong.

I thought, you get a new TV, you plug it in, and boom! Clear picture, you can see beads of sweat, pores, the blades of grass on a football field. No. If you have basic cable, you don't have HD cable. If you don't have HD cable, some channels are crystal clear, and some aren't. You still have to have an antennae. And you have to switch back and forth between I don't even know what, to work off of some signal or radio wave or ass crack to get a clear picture.

I have two remotes, one for my TV, and one from the cable company. Yesterday I couldn't even get a picture. My friend came over and somehow got the picture to come on, but she didn't know what she did to get the picture. It worked for several hours, then I turned off the TV and went out.

When I turned on the TV again, no picture. I pressed every single button, made some changes, made the changes back, pressed buttons again, to no avail. I missed one of my favorite TV shows.

It's 8:00 am on Sunday morning. I want to turn on the TV. I'm scared that if I turn it on and I get no picture, I might do something I'll regret later. Maybe I'll just go back to bed.

Orangutan and Kangaroo Get Married

Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here together to witness the marriage of O. Rangutan and K. Angaroo. The Honora-Bull, presiding.

Z. Bra is happy for the inter-species union, but T.Grrr is still bitter, having been jilted by O for K. See her menacing, growling face? Things got ugly as she started talking trash right when O placed his hand over K's. When she made a crack about K.Angaroo's pouch being more of a paunch, and K responded by asking T if she wanted a punch, the cops were called and there were pigs all over the place, and bull shit, too.

O. Rangu is hanging in there, and K.Anga is still hopping mad.

Why I'm Not Going to the Gym Today.

I had every intention of going today. I even packed my gym clothes in my gym bag and schlepped them to school and then to my haircut, thinking I would go straight to the gym afterwards.

But when I got out of my haircut, my back was all itchy from the stray hairs that get caught down there, and even though I knew that was going to happen, I tried to not think about it. Until it happened. And all I wanted to do was go home and take a shower. And plus I somehow broke three nails at school today and I wanted to go home and clip them properly and file them, because I might really do damage at the gym with broken nails. Like bend one back all the way and have it start bleeding all over the place.

And also, I had to go to the bank. I was going to go to the bank that is right next to the gym, I planned it that way:

work
haircut
bank
gym

But then when I got out of my haircut it was really windy outside. And I wondered if maybe the tornado that blew through the midwest was maybe gonna come here, and did I want to walk in a tornado after getting all sweaty at the gym, and I decided that no, I didn't want to.

And it's a good thing too, because when I got home, I got an email from my lawyer with a (!) symbol, telling me to call him right away. Important business to attend to, tomorrow. Like, what I've been waiting for for over a year.

So...I'm sort of thinking about that, and that caps it for reasons I am not going to go to the gym today. And I'm not going tomorrow, because the Bugs Bunny Film Festival starts tomorrow, and I won't be able to go next week because I'll be in California, so I have to go tomorrow.

And I don't feel guilty about it at all.

Baby, it's Cold Outside!

I guess I already gave another post the same title, but it's so fitting for this photo. Look at that ice! That was last week, though. Today it was about 50-something degrees. Changes day to day. It actually smelled like spring today.

Tomorrow, who knows? The Abominable Snowman may come to visit.

(fyi, Abominable Snowman is a real word, I looked it up in the dictionary. It means "yeti". I thought it was just from that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer special. Who knew?)

Merry Fucking Christmas!

Saw this Christmas tree the other day, shoved upside down in a snowbank. Guess whoever it was didn't get what he or she wanted this year.

My name is Shelby. I sleep on my mat.
I like my mini catnip pillow. Don't you touch it.

George Michael - The First Time Ever I saw Your Face

I think this rendition is so beautiful. It is truly moving. Focus on the voice, not the images. Ooooh, I'm melting!

During the Inauguration

Text from one of my best friends and the biggest Obama supporter ever! I'm glad I documented the moment; her text says it all.

Hard Work Down the Drain...

Sofia handed me the following note a few days ago: YOU ARE FIRED. After all I've done for her! A few days later, I told her how to spell "your". She'll learn contractions towards the end of the year.

Unfortunately, this was not the first time I'd been fired by a child at work. Many years ago, I was fired by a 4 year old boy because I wouldn't let him go home by himself. His exact words: "Alex, you're out of a job!"

I'd better step it up.