A Bug's Life, Part 2

I seem to have a lot of encounters with insects, or maybe everyone does; I just choose to write about them.

Last night Shelby looked up at the ceiling, something she never does. She prefers to keep her center of gravity and her eyes close to the floor. Things with six legs do not interest her. Things that fly are slightly more interesting.

Up there on the wall, close to the ceiling, was a ghastly creature. It was black, long and skinny, with a pointed end and wings that made a horrible buzzing sound. I didn't know what it was, but I knew what it wasn't. It wasn't a fly, a mosquito, or a bat. It flew close to the wall so I could whack it easily if I was brave enough to. After determining that my fearless landlordwas not home by going out onto the porch and seeing that the livingroom light was not on, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands.

I grabbed the broom and whacked at the bug. No dice, it continued to fly and buzz. It flew over to my loft bed, buzzing annoyingly around my pillow. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep unless this thing was dead. I whacked it over the bed, but my positioning was awkward and it got away easily. It landed on the dresser near the TV. I hit it with the broom and it looked like it was out for the count. Just to be sure, I crept up close to it, and as I did, of course it buzzed and jumped up, causing me to scream and jump back (readers, do you sense a theme in my life here?), and it dropped down somewhere where I couldn't see it. This thing would just not die!

I asked Shelby, "Did it die, or just disappear?" She didn't know and didn't care; she was only interested in avoiding the broom. I picked up things on the floor gingerly to see if I could find a carcass. I flicked and jumped, flicked and jumped. I could not find it. I couldn't go to bed knowing that it might buzz again, so I looked for about 30 minutes until I deduced it had finally met its maker. I slept with one eye open.

This morning I got up and did my Sunday morning thing: had breakfast, read the paper, did a load of laundry. When I came back inside from the laundrymat, there was that fucking bug, alive and kicking, sitting right on my dining room table. I swear I saw it stick two legs in its ears and give me a raspberry. I took the movie section of the newspaper, rolled it up, and smacked it with the faces of Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx in a still from the new movie Miami Vice. It landed on the floor and I blew on it. Damn if it didn't kick a back leg at me! I hit it again and this time a wing came off, so I knew it was really dead. I took a picture. If you can identify this bug for me, I'll give you a hundred dollars. Well, not really, but I'll be very grateful. I've got to know what this bionic creature is. Till then, I'll check for holes in my screens.