Entitled Motorcycle

I was walking down the street a couple of weeks ago and saw a motorcycle parked in the middle of the sidewalk. Not in the street, not at the curb; on the sidewalk. How badly do you need that space? Check out the ticket, ha ha!

Serves you right.

I Have Sunk to a New Low

Last night I went to dinner with my friend Amy. I needed to buy groceries; milk, and something for lunch for today, but I didn't want to ask her to stop at the supermarket. We passed by a 7-11 and ran in. I got milk and walked around the store for about 10 minutes, trying to find something edible for lunch. There were individual slices of Spam, refrigerated spaghetti and meatballs that were freshest by yesterday, chicken salad wraps that looked very soggy, and ramen noodles.

Just as I was about to give up, I spotted this:

And I bought it. It was nostalgic; having grown up

in New York, White Castle burgers were a rare

treat whenever I used to go beyond city limits.

I asked the kid behind the counter if he had ever

tried them, and he said, "Yeah, they're really

good. Actually, I like everything in this store."

Lord help me, and may the Organic Food Gods

forgive me for what I am about to eat for lunch

today.

Eye Opener

I can't see a thing without my contacts or glasses. This morning I woke up and noticed a smudge on the ceiling near the trim. Since I sleep in a loft bed, the ceiling is pretty close to me. I squinted my eyes to get a closer look. Closer...closer...and then I figured out what it was. What a sight to wake up to, can you imagine? I cursed at it and left it there; I'll deal with it later.

Food Fun

Check out this big ass strawberry that was at

my school's potluck dinner. Thang was big! Yummy, too. Compliments of Trader Joe's.

Also at the party: Dino Dip. How

adorable is that?

Little Moments

I love little moments. Today it was pouring rain. I was walking along with my umbrella and I saw two people without. The first guy just smiled at me, and a few blocks later, a second guy walked past me, soaking wet. As I got close to him, I said, "Aw, screw the umbrella!" He laughed and said, "You're a baby!" (for using one) Interacting with strangers like that makes me feel like this world is not so big.

I saw a big earthworm squirming around on the pavement, and I put it back into the earth, to atone for the small earthworm I did not put back into the earth a few days ago. It was also to atone for not telling the woman at the bakery she gave me too much change. This was over a month ago, and I'm still feeling guilty about it. It was $5. Discovering my neighbors' indoor cats outside and knocking on their door to tell them about it should make it all come out even.

All this atonement, you'd think I was raised Catholic. In fact, I was raised with no religion at all, but baptized Catholic. Must've been some good conscience down there in that holy water.

Sick Half Sleeve Ink

I love language, especially slang. Today I was wearing a short sleeved tee shirt and jeans, so everyone was looking at the tattoo on my arm. More than usual, people were commenting on it.

Young woman: Hey, nice half sleeve.

(translation: Excuse me, nice tattoo that goes from your shoulder to your elbow)

Appropriate response: Thank you.

Young man, walking slightly behind me:

Hey, that ink is sick!

(translation: Excuse me, but your tattoo is really nice!)

I also replied "thank you" to him. Can you imagine saying thank you to someone who says, "That ink is sick!"? I laugh just thinking of it.

Well, I'm gonna go download some sick music on my iPod and upload some photos to my blog. Later!

Spare Tire? No problem!

Dear Readers,

If you haven't been fortunate or unfortunate enough to try my GI Virus diet, I've found a new way to get rid of the dreaded "muffin top" when you put on a pair of jeans! Got an extra inch or so around your waistline? Does it spill over when you put on a pair of jeans? Are you older than 18? Has something foreign happened to your body around your mid to late 30's? Then here's the solution for you!

It's called NSJ. NSJ can be found in any store, but you may have to shop around for a brand of NSJ that you like. What does NSJ stand for? Next Size Jeans! Here's all you do:

Step 1--Put on a pair of jeans in the size you've worn for the past 10 years. Feeling a little snug? Got a little extra flab to play with? Ick!

Step 2--Put on a pair of jeans in the next size. No flab! No suffocating! No problem! It may take a few sessions of therapy to get used to this new change, but as long as you can breathe, it will be better for you.

Another solution to this problem is the new HWJ, otherwise known as the High Waist Jean. They're making a comeback! These are not to be confused with the "Mom Jean", which should not be worn at any time.

Good luck, and happy breathing!

School Stories

When I was in NYC a few weeks ago, I saw a billboard ad for a childcare center. It was open 7 days a week, 23 hours a day. What hour were they closed, and what do they do for that hour, clean the place?

Here's a cute scene I came upon at my school last week. It's nice to see ocean mammals enjoying a healthy meal. I think the dolphin must have eaten too much.

A Very Long Evening

Today I was in Coolidge Corner, very close to Trader Joe's, where I needed a few groceries. It was 5:00 and I hadn't been home from work yet. I wanted to go home, relax for a few, and then go out again later. On the way home I stopped at CVS. My hands were full of my wallet, my keys, and the receipt, so I stuffed the CVS bag and wallet into the big section of my backpack. Usually I'm very careful about putting my wallet in a different section.

When I got home, I took the CVS bag and wallet out and put it on the table. I checked email, watched the news, had dinner, and prepared to go to Trader Joe's. I wanted to go tonight, because it was a lovely evening, and the forecast predicted rain for tomorrow. I needed milk for my morning tea, and I figured I'd get my contribution to a friend's potluck birthday dinner on Saturday. I also wanted to get the frozen strawberries and cream dessert I had just had at a student's house. Yum! I took my backpack and my iPod, and walked the 3/4 of a mile to Trader Joe's. I wore my new hot pink Mary Jane Crocs, despite my plan to wear them only in the house. They're easy to put on, and I didn't have any other shoes that went with my breezy turquoise skirt quite as well.

Got to TJ's, shopped around, went back and forth on the yogurt (the only yogurt I like turns out to be whole milk yogurt, go figure), and settled on mochi ice cream, as they were sold out of the frozen strawberries and cream.

Went to the checkout, put my basket on the shelf, and opened the wallet section of my backpack. Felt for my wallet, and it wasn't there. In my mind I saw my wallet on my table, on top of the CVS bag. Shit. Fuck. Goddamn it! The cashier said he could put my groceries in a cooler and I could come back. I'm not coming back tonight, man, I just walked here! I sighed deeply, told the cashier that I was getting my exercise in, and left, cursing under my breath.

I went across the street and you know I waited for the bus, I wasn't about to walk 3/4 of a mile back home, screw that. Thankfully, the bus gods took pity on me and sent one immediately. I got off at the stop that would take me near the playground near my house, and I walked through the park. Saw two of my kids, who came running over with big hugs. Gigi asked me where I was coming from. I said, "Trader Joe's, but do you see I have no groceries in my hands? I forgot my wallet." "Oh," said five year old Gigi, "I hate that feeling." After a minute she attempted to make me feel better by chirping, "At least they have free samples!" In an instant, all of my troubles disappeared. Who needs money when they have free samples?

(update: an hour after I finished this blog entry, I discovered $20 that had been in my wallet section the whole time. Is this a trend for me? What does it mean?)

Ahh, spring...

It's so lovely in Boston right now. People are planting flowers, gardening. There are tulips and new mulch everywhere. So many colors: red, yellow, pink, green, and brown. Some people feel such satisfaction after a good few hours in the sun, bonding with mother earth.

I would rather stick a hoe in my eye than garden.

If I had a garden, it would look like this:

Or maybe like this:

I'm a city girl, what can I say?

Butterflies in my hair

Hey Y'all,

I have so many stories, but I'm not in the writing mood these days, so you'll just have to bear with me. Here's a few pics of butterflies I took while at The Butterfly Place in Westwood, MA. I went with a Canon camera club, and we got the place to ourselves for two hours before they opened. I announced to the group that I had a fear of butterflies (they're so unpredictable!) that I was hoping to get over. Thank goodness the butterfly people turned down the heat for us to make the butterflies less active. Most of them just stayed still.

Later, the sun came out, and some of those beautiful giant blue ones started flapping around, and I swear they were divebombing me on purpose! One guy kept saying, "Watch out for that one, it has fangs!" Hey, I just don't like flappy things flying unpredictably around my head, can you blame me? Anyway, guess I had a small story in there after all. Enjoy the pics. More stories to come!

Fan

I went to Ikea the other night. At the end where they have the pick up bins, I looked up and noticed a huge fan. Looking closer, I noticed the name of the company: Big Ass Fans. Pretty funny.

Charlie Card Update

Update: after 4 letters and about 6 phone calls, my new May Charlie Card arrived in the mail yesterday. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Whee!

Yesterday I went to Issei and Yumeko's house as usual to tutor them in English. Issei is 10 and Yumeko is 13. Usually when I arrive, they're both upstairs and they come down with their backpacks. They dutifully start on their homework and I help them with that before we play a game. They've only been in this country for 7 months, so they're still learning English.

When I arrived yesterday, however, it seemed that Issei was suddenly fluent. He was downstairs already, and he greeted me with, "Hi! Homework finish! Want to play a game? I have Wii!" I had heard the big hoo ha over Wii, so of course I was curious. I told him I'd love to play, but since everything was in Japanese, he'd have to explain things in English. He said, "Yes." and Yumeko closed her backpack, clapped her hands, and said, "Okay!"

It was a great English lesson as they both explained how to move the controls, what the games were, and what I should do. My favorite game was a dart game where you held the control but moved your hand as if you were actually throwing a dart. Teaching English was never more fun.

Junk in the Trunk

Here's the thing: When you wear a trench coat, don't wear a fanny pack. It looks silly. And someone might take a picture of you from...behind, pun intended, and post it on their blog. Seriously.

Only in NE

Only in New England will you see a pair of flip flops and a pair of sheepskin boots on the same day...

More Celebrities

I saw Rosie O'Donnell and her partner Kelli in Provincetown, MA once.
Robin Williams eating at a Chinese restaurant in San Francisco.
The comedian Sinbad crossing the street in NYC.

Back when I was in high school, there used to be this hot male model in the Victoria's Secret catalogs. My best friend Aysha and I would drool over this guy in his satin boxer shorts. One day I was walking down the street in NYC and I saw him at a phone booth. I nearly died! I went right up to him and said, "Aren't you the guy from the Victoria's Secret catalog?" and he got this fake model look on his face and crooned, "Why, yes I am." I asked him for his autograph; his name was Bruce. I ran to a phone booth and called Aysha and screamed, "OhmygodIjustmettheVictoria'sSecretguyandIgothisautographohmygod!!!!" We were very excited.

This happened another time. The movie La Bamba was in the theaters, and Aysha and I were hot for Esai Morales, who played the brother. He was typecast as the bad boy; in fact, he had previously been in the movie Bad Boys with Sean Penn. I was waiting for the subway at Times Square, and who should I see coming to wait for the train but Esai Morales himself. He was carrying a basketball.

We made eye contact and smiled, and I said, "Are you Esai Morales?" and he said yes, and we started a conversation. He had just come from playing basketball in the Village. I remember I said something like "you famous people" or something, and he said, "What are you talking about? I'm just like you!" Yeah, right. When it was close to his stop he said, "Well, I have to be somewhere, but if I didn't, you would definitely be kidnapping material." What?? I thought that was a weird thing to say, but I smiled at him, nervously. Then he had the nerve to lean towards me, as if we were going to kiss goodbye! I said, "Uh, no thanks." and he was a little offended. We parted ways, and even though he creeped me out a bit, I still had to rush to the phone and call Aysha. I screamed, "OhmygodAyshaIjustmetEsaiMorales!!!" and she screamed, "Didyougethisnumber???" No, he gave me the willies. But it was still kinda cool.

My favorite celebrity sighting was Jeff Goldblum in Central Park. That man is tall, a real presence. He was bopping along, taking long strides, and everyone was gawking at him. All of a sudden he put his thumbs in his ears, waved his fingers, made a boogey man face and screamed, "Blaughhhhhh!" at the passerby. It was hysterical, and I thought a most appropriate response for a celebrity.

Celebrity Sightings

When I was in NYC, on my first morning I walked out of my hotel and within 5 minutes saw Alec Baldwin. He was waiting to cross the street, and I stared at him to make sure it really was a Baldwin. Looked his image up on the web to make sure it was Alec, and not one of the other ones. He was holding hands with a rather dowdy woman who I thought was his wife. When I called a friend to tell her about my celebrity sighting, she said, "He's not married! He's the Kim Basinger one!" Ohhh...was it his mother? She was short, and a little paunchy, not old enough to be his mother. Unless she dyed her hair. Who was that mystery woman? Who cares? I saw Alec Baldwin!

Other celebrities I have seen, in no particular order:

Madonna and Sean Penn, jogging in Central Park. This was back when they were married. Madonna whipped right past me, but Sean looked in my eyes. I thought he was going to punch me out.

Ron Palillo, who played Horseshack on the 70's sitcom Welcome Back Kotter. He came into Belvedere Castle in Central Park, where I used to work. Saw a lot of celebrities in Central Park.

Morgan Freeman, riding his bike in Central Park. I was in my early twenties, but looked like a teenager. I stopped him and said, "Mr. Freeman, I've been a fan of yours ever since you were on The Electric Company." He replied, "And look atcha now, all grown up!" It sounded condesending to me, and left a bad impression.

Another bad impression was when I met Sonia Manzano, who plays Maria on Sesame Street. I used to be one of the little kids on Sesame Street, and of course all little kids idolize the cast, right? I had proof I was on the show when I was looking through one of my college textbooks that I had bought. There was a picture of Maria and the back of my head, on the Sesame Street set. When I heard that Maria was going to be at the Children's Museum of Boston, I brought the book to show her. I went up to her and said, "Look, this is me and you!" and she said to me, "How do you know that's you?" Oh my god, I was so pissed and disappointed in her.

More celebrity sighting stories to come...

NYC

I was in New York City the other day. What a city. I walked all over, up and down Broadway, and didn't feel like I was walking that much. Till I got back to my hotel room and fell asleep almost immediately. I calculated exactly how much I walked in one day. Eight miles. Eight! Wish I could do that every day, but walking in Brookline isn't the same.

Where else but NYC can you see a guy walking along in a funny hat making bird noises every few feet? And it wasn't to entertain the children; this was around 9:00 pm in Times Square. I saw this big tough looking guy on the subway, listening to his iPod. He looked like L.L. Cool J, very cute. He was listening to one of my favorite rap songs, and I wanted to tell him so. I waited till he looked up, and I said, "That's a great song." He said, "This one?" I said, "Yeah, it's one of my favorites. Thank you for listening to it so loud." He got this bashful "aw shucks" look on his face and said, "You're welcome."

I saw this sign:

Perfect for the camera tripod that

walks. More NYC adventures to come.

When You're Pissed, Write a Letter

This is a letter I wrote to the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority:

March 13, 2007

To Daniel Grabauskas, General Manager

I have lived in the Boston area for fifteen years, and have been a faithful T rider since I stepped foot in this wonderful city. In recent years I have bought my monthly T Pass at the Mailboxes Etc. store located in Coolidge Corner, Brookline. The set up was great; I'd buy my pass, use the accessible hole puncher to punch a hole in the pass so I could attach it to my key chain, and be on my way. I never lost a T Pass using this system.

In January, when the new Charlie Card arrived, I bought a monthly card as usual. I was disappointed to see that a hole could not be punched in it so I could put it on my key chain. It took me awhile to figure out where to put it each day so I wouldn't lose it. Each month when I went into the Mailboxes Etc. store, I was told by the store owner and employees to save my receipt; if I ever lost my card, it would be replaced. I was relieved.

Lo and behold, last week I had put my Charlie Card in my pocket, and at some point it fell out. I was glad I had my receipt as proof I bought it! I went into Mailboxes Etc. to get a new card, and was told that I would have to contact the MBTA.

I called the number printed on the receipt, and was told there was nothing that could be done. I later heard that the MBTA was supposed to set up a system in January whereby one could register a Charlie Card for replacement if it got lost. According to the MBTA website, that has not been done yet. That is not my fault.

When I went to complain to the owner of Mailboxes Etc., Chuck Peden, he told me that he was told by Rick (last name unknown), an employee of the MBTA, that a card would be replaced if lost. Rick is the person who trained the staff at Mailboxes Etc.

I was told multiple times that my card would be replaced if I lost it. I lost it; I want it replaced. I am asking for a check for $59.00 to cover the second card I had to buy in March. Enclosed is a receipt for the Charlie Card I bought February 28th.

I am extremely disappointed in the lack of organization of the MBTA and the new Charlie Card system. I look forward to improvements and consistancy, in addition to my check for $59.00.

Sincerely,

Alexandra Campbell

I printed this letter on bright yellow paper and sent a copy of it to the MBTA. My plan was to send one copy each week until I got a response. It took 4 letters until I got a phone call. I can just picture the scene in the office: Some higher up waving my letter and giving it to a junior employee, saying through clenched teeth: "Make this woman go away, I don't care what it takes!!!"

The woman on the phone said that while they couldn't cut me a check, they would send me a pass for the month of May so I wouldn't have to buy one. That's all I wanted. Justice was served.

And then...and I really hesitate to write this part of the story, but it wouldn't be complete if I didn't. Was in NYC yesterday during the torrental rain. My bags got drenched. When I got home today I emptied everything out of my backpack to let things dry. I went through every single pocket.

And found the Charlie Card I thought I lost. And I suddenly got a flash of the day I thought I lost it; I had put it carefully in a special pocket so I wouldn't lose it. Can one be too fastidious? Methinks so.

You might say that I owe Daniel Grabauskas a big fat apology. I am very embarassed, it's true. But here's the thing: It could have happened! I thought I lost it. Well, I lost it for a month and a half! Oh god, please forgive me.